In Search of Joy

I often get the feeling that I am not like other people. I think I do not have the same capacity for joy. I do not get as excited as they do. Things for me are mostly a spectrum of the mundane and unimportant. This feeling becomes clearer for me on drugs. They open up a capacity in me that I did not previously see. Suddenly, thoughts have a different weight, events a different impact, emotions are more pronounced and persistent, motivation easier to find and my general outlook on life becomes more positive. It’s as if someone switched on a light in a dark room and lifted a weight that was always on my chest, a weight I felt but was not able to move. Once its burden was removed, I could see just how much it held me down. Conversation becomes less of an effort and my humor becomes less dark and sarcastic. It's a different experience than being positive due to rational thought or conscious reasoning, this is instead a more cheerful state of mind, a state that precedes, frames and shapes every thought. It becomes easier to fully engage with the present as the moment becomes engulfing and most of the thoughts in my head lose their persistence, their reality and their significance. I become more a member of life than the analytical observer I usually am.
Is the answer then to use drugs whenever possible? No. Definitely no. Maybe a path is shown to me that I should try to follow. A path that hints that something else exists to aspire to and to try to reach on my own. Instead, these drugs seem like an unhealthy, temporary and most importantly, unearned, shortcut to living in the moment.
Is that what we seek with drugs? A momentary silence of voices and anxieties inside? If so, I should seek a way to find that silence sober. I should find what in my reasoning and in the way I perceive and interact with the world outside, and even more so, the one inside, stops me from finding it. 
If happiness were a scale and some move back and forth on the higher side while some can only catch glimpses of it, is that then just a matter of biochemistry? Is that difference in me even something I should attempt to change, or is it part of what defines me and what gives me my unique experience of life, an experience that should be valued?

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think, brutal criticism welcome and all feedback is appreciated.