Why I Write

“He asked, ‘What makes a man a writer?’ Well, I said, it’s simple. You either get it down on paper, or jump off a bridge.” Charles Bukowski

Even in the brightest noon sun, the darkness in the cell of one's own mind can be suffocating. Writing is my way of opening a window, to share and to lay bare.

This started as a way to cope. Writing became a release, a way to have a conversation outside my own head where I often felt trapped. More than 8 years ago, I opened a word document and started typing.

This document became a mixture of my thoughts, logs of events that happened in my life or ideas and quotes I found interesting. The aim was also to create a place where I wouldn’t be afraid to be cliché or to talk about my most embarrassing moments and thoughts, without any concern about being self-indulgent. I just felt a bit better when I wrote my thoughts down, it was like I was relaying them to someone, outside of myself, who's listening.

Only in recent months did the idea of sharing these thoughts start formulating in my mind. I had only shown some of my writings to four people before then and I was fortunate enough to receive encouragement from them to share. Now, I am blessed to have some of these beautiful souls supporting me in this attempt.

Even though I often feel that this is all just crap; pretentious, repetitive, recycled ideas, with nothing new and nothing original, this word document has become one of the things I value the most in my life.

I wish I had the vocabulary, the prose or the descriptive powers to convey all these thoughts and events accurately and beautifully, but unfortunately, I don't. Still, I will take the leap and do the best I can.

When I first started writing, I was in a dark place. A lot of my earlier entries reflect the sorrow and questioning as depression and doubt consumed several years of my life. I gradually found ways to cope and to control the volume of the questions voiced inside my head. Flickers of light appeared here and there in my writing and in my outlook on life.

The change was gradual but when I look back now on my earlier writings I can gladly say I remember but I do not fully recognize that person. A big reason why I decided to share is to relay this transformation, to give hope to others who are going through similar struggles, to break through their isolation and open a window.

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think, brutal criticism welcome and all feedback is appreciated.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Your friends weren't wrong when they told you that your writing was good. It's very good, in fact. People have different ways of dealing with troubled feelings, and creative people do so by creating art, music, or writing. When I began writing, many thoughts similar to yours ran through my head. It looks to me like that word document is a good place for you.

[vainvessel]

Thank you so much for your kind words, means a lot to me.