The Suicide

I know you love me
But I am still undecided,
You show me your love
But still, i am looking for the best,
You let go and give up
And now, i am running to you,
You ask, Why you've come?'
I said, "Because I love you."
She said, "Then Why you didn't trust me?"
I just reply, "Because I don't want to be broken anymore..."
"If that so, Come!!!", she just reply.
I said, "Where are we going?"
She said, "Just come and you will know."
...just a simple words of I LOVE YOU and sharing of kisses, we both hold hands to each other and said goodbye to the erotic world of love...

Reviews

[dovetailer]

I agree with Dan...it is understood there is a conversation going on...
there is an irony in falling in love with someone who defines love as dying together rather than living together...it seems like picking unripened fruit...
there is a certain purity in that, I suppose...leaving this world on a high...like Romeo and juliet...they say love isn't a feeling...it's an action...
it could be a poignant piece about a love given and pact honored...

[RJ620Win]

THANKS TO THAT. :)

[Ian Faraway]

I liked this. There were some grammar errors, surprisingly coming from me, and some spelling, not many. But other than that I loved the symbolism coming from this. Good job

[Jack Inthebox]

Wow.

[Domenic Luciani]

the only reason I looked at this was because it was labled as a story. This is hardly a story, and even less of a poem. It's like some sort of mutant hybrid of the two. Despite how short this is, there are numerous spelling errors and most of the dialogue makes little sense. I guess, if you really tried to find symbolism in this, you could say it's a hearty metaphor about love and it's afterlife, but then again I'm not quite that cynical.

[Dan Ryoma]

I liked how you referred to leaving the world of love as suicide. I didn't like the amount of dialogue you used though. It got to a point where it just seemed like two people talking in a book. Each time there was a quote, you would say 'she said' or 'i said'. This degrades the poem significantly. I think this concept could be better as a story.

[nono]

Suicide...thought.....thinking...not processing......Good job!

[Shin]

O_O This one really surprised me, though it ended happily after the problems at first, love prevails it seems, I liked this one as well, keep it up.

[heich]

cheke mhai...hahahaha...nice.