Dilemma

This is a poem I wrote after a rather rough breakup, and it definitely shows. Not everything I write is like this, though.

 Do you think its wrong for me to still pretend

That we haven't gone back to being just friends?
That we're still in love and we're perfect together?
And that you and I might last forever?

Because when I first wake up, I sometimes forget
That we decided to close that door, yet
I can't quite shake this hope of mine
That you'll come back once you've had some time

But that's bullshit and I know you know I know it
And forever was a long, long time
We don't choose how we love, or who we hurt. 
And even if I could do anything at all I wanted
I wouldn't change you so you didn't recoil from my touch
So that you wouldn't have to struggle through a hug.
Because you wouldn't be you.
You wouldn't be the same person who talked me through suicide scares and teachers who sucked and parents who didn't understand.
You wouldn't be the girl I fell hard for, and who held my hand and looked at me and fell with me.
And when I hit the bottom alone,
I realized for myself why they're called crushes
Because I looked up and you weren't falling anymore. 
You were flying--
Soaring--
And left in the dust, I stood up shakily.
And I tried to forget what falling had felt like 
When falling and flying were the same