Murderer

 

   March 10, 2007.

            Hey baby,

           

             I’m only seventeen. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, graduation is only a couple months away. I’m just not ready for this big of a commitment. I don’t want to be tied down. So I hope you understand why I have to end this before we both get too comfortable. As much as this might hurt- I… I just don’t love you.

            I don’t think I could ever love you. And its not fair to you, for us to be together under false pretenses. This has nothing to do with you, its because of him.

            I caught myself staring at you today in third period, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. The whole time I was fighting the urge to throw up and wondering whether you understand why I had to do this. Hoping that if you had the choice you’d choose to forgive me.

            …but I can’t kid myself. You’re just a cluster of cells. You don’t think, or feel, or forgive. You’re barely human.

            It’s better this way. You’ll never ask me about your father. I’ll never have to explain the word “rape”. And you’ll never have to wonder whether I’m disgusted every time I look at you. I will never know if you look like me or him. I won’t have to die every time you ask me something because your voice sounds like his.

            This ultrasound is the only picture I’ll ever have of you, and I’m about to seal it away in this envelope. It will be like you never existed. Like the brevity of your life never effected me. Like I never had to choose between me or you. And picked me.

            Today is our last day together. Today is the day I’ll become a murderer.

 

 

Inspired by secret on postsecret.com.