The Sins of Myself

The Sins of Myself

A Poem by Rachel McLean

The fear
The darkness
The overwhelming sadness

These were the sins that led to my downfall
The sins that led to my end

I was devoured by the shadows
scattered by the wind

Drunk with the insanity
Obsessed with the madness

And forever isolated
within these empty walls of sin

© 2015 Rachel McLean


Author's Note

Rachel McLean
So apparently my first poem got quite a few positive reviews, so i thought i might try another to see if it was just luck that the first was good. Anyways, this is a poem about the mental tormentation (that's a word, right?) going on inside someone. It's also going to be my first contest submission so wish me luck! Please enjoy and don't forget to comment and rate! I feel like I'm missing something or one of the lines isn't quite right, but I can't put my finger on it. If one of you peoples do, it would be greatly appreciated if you could point it out so that I can fix it ASAP.

My Review

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Featured Review

I don't know about what you mean by missing but it's vague. Fear, darkness and sadness aren't sins and since you didn't hint what the sins are, it's very much open to imagination(not interpretation) and if you had any in mind while writing the poem, I would suggest slight hinting of them in an added verse or verses.
I would suggest you remove the 'and' before 'forever isolated' and change 'sins' to 'sin' in the line 'within these empty walls of sins'. For better flow, other than that, it's beautiful. You should definitely keep writing. Cheers.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

Well I wasn't sure what it was that I thought was missing. My friend actually helped me out /w that... read more
Eliot Knight

8 Years Ago

Your welcome!



Reviews

I added this to my library.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

Aww thank you! I feel so honored! (although what does adding to a library do? I never quite figured .. read more
justdandy

8 Years Ago

It means that you like the poem that much that you want to add it to the library ( a number of writi.. read more
Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

Oh OK. And thank you again!
well.. i don't see anything wrong with it. i wrote, and read tons of poetry, in the past seven-eight months. I'd say this one is a beautiful demonstration of dark poetry. nicely done.
i give maximum rating :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. I know that i can sometimes be a it harsh towards m.. read more
It is plain to see you have a philosophical mind as well as a knowledge of words and their usage. I also enjoy the dark nature of your poem, if you have never known pain how can you really appreciate pleasure? Bravo! I look forward to reading more of your work :~)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

Thanks! I'll definitely try to keep posting if I can find the time.
This is very darkly-beautiful in a way. I couldn't find anything wrong, not all poems have to be the same or follow some kind of rules, though I really liked the structure you used in the first verse. It has a good flow and sounds great out loud. Good job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

I'm glad you felt that way. This was my first try at a dark piece and only my second poem, and judgi.. read more
The poem took the reader to deep thoughts and places.
"Drunk with the insanity
Obsessed with the madness
And forever isolated
within these empty walls of sins"
I liked the above lines. Insanity, madness and sin. Good place to create a story for the ages. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


Rachel McLean

8 Years Ago

I really liked those lines as well. Inspiration strikes me at strange times, and sometimes it can re.. read more
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

I liked the complete poem and you are welcome.

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713 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 31, 2015
Last Updated on November 15, 2015

Author

Rachel McLean
Rachel McLean

MD



About
So, I haven't been writing for very long, but I definitely hope to improve. I prefer to do stories and novels, however my main purpose here is to work on my poetry. Other than writing, I love reading .. more..

Writing

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