Dear Mom.

Dear Mom,

It's been a while. You have no idea how much I miss you. I've picked up a pen, I've picked up a bottle, I've downed the pills. But no matter what, the pain is still here. Where were you when I had my first kiss? I needed you for my first heartbreak. I had no where to run, no where to hide, no one to turn to. I needed you by my side. I've blamed myself for so long. It's not my fault though, right? No. I miss you. I need you. I love you.

Where ever you are, I hope you can hear me. I told you I hate you, but I pray you know it's not true. If that's why you did this, I beg for forgiveness. I was little, I didn't know what it meant. You are the world to me. I wish I could take back all the bad things I said. If I had one wish, it wouldn't be to be rich, or famous, or have the perfect husband, or perfect life, no super power, not world peace. My one wish would be to go back and change the things I said to you, or change how this happened. I'd make you happier, so you'd want to stay here. So you'd want to take care of me, not leave..

I could sit here all night and say how much I wish you were still here. But it won't change a thing. What I want to do, is let you know how proud I am of you for being so strong all that time. You held it together for me, for them. You kept up your fight for so long. You were the warrior we all long to be. No matter how tough things were, you never broke. You stood there, through wind, through fire, even through the hurricane. You didn't shake. Everyone has their moments when they fall. You stood so strong for so long, you had to fall hard. No one blames you. It doesn't make you weak. You're the strongest person I know. Screw perfection. Strength is what gets us through the battle. You fought one hell of a war. Though I wish you were here, I'm glad you don't have to suffer any more. I'd do anything to have you back, but I'd do anything to keep you from pain. I've been bitter for so long, but it's not your fault, it's not mine. Thank you for being so strong, and never showing pain. 

It's time for me to let go of this bitterness, this self-hate. You know I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things I said. I love you, still, and that will never go away.

I just had to vent.

Author's Note

It's just a letter. Keep your comments to yourself.