Angel

poetry speaks

A feather started falling but time will pass before it hits the floor.

I heard it hit the ground 

with a splash not a crash.

Move we can't as they begin to flow.

Tears.

A voice started speaking but the deaf cannot hear.

Heard 

through sight not sound.

You said it all as it appeared.

Fear.

It's me.

It's always been me.

The Fallen angel.

As the feather hit the ground, time stopped.

No more tears, no more fear.

Move we can't.

Death.

As the voice said it all, ears opened.

No more sound, nor sight.

Disappear we did.

Love.

It's you.

It was always you.

The only beauty.

The feather which was once white then black became soaked in red.

Written it has been

with a start and an end.

No changes will be made.

Our story.

The voice that spoke, now silent it sits.

Time begins again

and stop will it not.

Disappear this can't.

Us.

It's us.

It was always us.

Combined perfection.

Reviews

[Bacchus]

the beautiful fallen angel...
we watch it unfold like a feather falling from an angelic wing.

the us makes me think it is the balance
of good and evil.

gives me an uncomfortable feeling
as if i'm listening to the devil tell his ways
of how love disappeared from him.

well done.

[unspokenpain]

thank you. im glad you loved the story ^.^

[Shabeeh Haider]

I enjoyed reading it but to be very honest it was a bit confusing at times. They ideas weren't spot on but maybe that was the affect that you wanted to portray.
The ending is very sweet.

[unspokenpain]

Very much confusing. I agree lol. But everyonce in awhile those are my favorites, because from that theories can be formed. And your own story is made. But again I agree, I made this very confusing.

[AliciaB]

This is a very interesting poem. The writing is somewhat convoluted, but in a good way - I like how each image intertwines with the others. The first stanza is really, really cool. I also like the stanza that starts with "The feather which was once white then black became soaked in red" - the "feather" and the words about writing a story that follow make me think of a quill pen, which is an interesting spin on that image. Intense and intriguing overall. Nice work!

[unspokenpain]

Thank you, this was a weird piece that I toyed with.

[Emily]

This poem has a good idea, but it needs a good flow. Your arrangement of verbs and subjects is confusing, and sounds more like talking Yoda than anything. Try putting the subject first, then the verb, and play around with rhymes and such. Good start!

[unspokenpain]

Lol thank you for your feedback. This is a form of writing I was toying with and need to work a little harder on to make it more clear. ^.^ Hope my next piece speaks volumes!

[Emily]

I look forward to your next endeavor!