No Feeling

Poetry speaks

Rain is hitting all around me, yet I feel nothing. Lightning strikes, yet it doesn't affect me. I have been stuck in one place far too long, my pain has become a quicksand. I stand and ponder, what has become of me. Am I doomed a foolish mans death? Am I the cause of my own pain? How I want to feel that suns warmth. But when it's here I feel nothing. I'm lost in a world that hasn't given me answers. Maybe that's the problem, so let me reach to the heavens.

Reviews

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

You should have written "hasn't given" instead of "hasn't gave"- though it would do harm to your syllable count- that is my opinion anyway.
Talking of your poem, it is a wonderfully expressed and excellently written work which actually present a sad environment before the reader. The beauty and the depth of emotions that lies in your work is certainly commendable. Your poetry does speak, and it speaks very well. Keep writing.

[unspokenpain]

Thank you! I will make the correction!

[zunie frost]

i love this poem !!!
very beautiful

[unspokenpain]

I'm glad you liked it.

[zunie frost]

welcome !!!!!

[Kat Mandu]

Nice but slightly cliche, I prefer some of your other poems, but this is enjoyable nonetheless. Perhaps explore more rhythmic and simpler synonyms- sometimes less is more, you know :D

[unspokenpain]

Thank you for the feedback. I will remember that for my next one!

[AliciaB]

I really like this poem. The feeling of being stuck in apathy and depression is one that many people, including myself, can definitely relate to. I really like the line "I have been stuck in one place far to[o] long, my pain has become a quicksand" - it highlights that idea very well. The final two lines have to be my favorite, however. They are an excellent expression about how sometimes, try as we might, we cannot find the answers to our problems in this world (where those problems themselves originate.) My only suggestion would be to add question marks to the lines in the third stanza - nitpicky grammar, I know, but it will help to emphasize the poignant, desperate nature of the words. Overall, very nicely written.

[unspokenpain]

Thank you! I will make those corrections.