Prologue

Short Introduction

Prologue

There are two mysteries in the world. Through music they’re spoken. Through tears of joy or pain they’re seen. Still, we know nothing. Blind to what’s in front of us, we listen. Hoping… praying… searching for the truth behind these secrets and the meaning behind them. Complete polar opposites. Yet more in common than anything else. One cannot be without the other. Whether the answer to both are like a mystery that is beyond our understanding, or just a secret kept from us; We look. We must. We have to.

Lying between two elven cities is one of this world’s greatest mysteries. It is deep inside Khakor Forest that one secret is shining brighter than any other. Through the thick Khakor trees, past the berries that hang at arm's reach, and inside one of the many endless caves is where you can currently catch a glimpse of this secret. Glowing even brighter than the fire giving them warmth, the life in these two brothers eyes dances with the flames before them.

Laughs are being shared between the two and smiles are ever present. Tall tales are being told that are mostly just myth and mystery with little truth. Yet both are nodding and correcting parts to how they remember it. In all, this was a common night for the two G’yian brothers. But still this is the best night to start. If an answer for one of the world’s greatest mysteries can be found, it’s here.

In the “life” of two brothers.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

The most important review a person can leave is patience. To express suggestuons about another writer's work is presumptuous and arroganrt unless soecufics such as bad spelling or grammar, not about plot or characters.. they take time to materialise.

I personally found your writing smooth flowing and full of cues of what to expect. This says more than a hundred or more words: ',, But still this is the best night to start. If an answer for one of the world’s greatest mysteries can be found, it’s here.'

Wishing you true success, unspokenpain..

[unspokenpain]

Thank you for the feedback

[Ella]

think this is a very unique prologue and I have a mixed bag of feelings about it. I am not saying it is bad, I am just curious of how this is going to work. I read a bunch of the other comments and everyone seems to enjoy it, so maybe it is just me, but I feel that it is a bit repetitive, jumpy, and worded slightly awkwardly.

Before I sound too rude, let me explain myself. The first line of a piece is always important. Your first line (There are two mysteries that remain unanswered, though we have tried many times to give one.) for me was very confusing. I had to read it a couple of times and I am still unsure what it means. The first part of the sentence is great, grabs the readers attention as a good hook, but you lost me after the comma. It may just be an awkward phrasing of this sentence, but it looses a lot of the initial punch.
That being said, it does have its punch and I am instantly wondering who is we, what are the two mysteries, and a number of other things which grabs my attention. The line after it is where the repetition issue comes in a bit.

The next thing I wanted to point out is the remainder of the first paragraph. You are a poet, you have a stunning way with words; use that to your advantage. For some reason your water anology fall flat. Try maybe rewording it, add your heart and poetry flair to it. If it was me rewording it, I would simply have it in less words, something like "The answer is like water. It fits whatever shape of the container it is, always changing."

Also, is there a reason you are with holding information from the reader? Have you considered doing little teasers of it, letting us know a bit about the world that they're in, but not enough that we actually know anything. It is good you tell us it is between Elven cities, that means we know we are in a fantasy world with Elves. It is good to know that it is in a cave within a forst. But what else can you tell us about the hero of this journey? You said "we" in the first sentence. Who is the writer of this, who is telling us this story, why are they telling us this story? Actually, now that I think about it, did you change your narrator voice? The second two paragraphs read differently than the first, lol.

One more generalized comment I have is reread this to yourself. Read it out loud so you can hear how it sounds because there is a number of awkward sounding things to me. You read it, see what you think, maybe we can discuss this point a bit more in a private message.

Now! Before you think this is all garbage and miserable because I kept tearing it apart, I would like to praise you. This sounds so interesting and I can't wait to see where this story goes. I am curious to see what this secret is, what is going on, I want to know more about the world. You have one addicted reader. This really just needs a polish and a good, thorough look over.

[unspokenpain]

Thank you for your feedback. Again I appreciate your message ahead of time. I agree with a lot of what you said. I'll message you about it. I will definitely be editing this and the two chapters I have sent out soon.

[unspokenpain]

Just to update you. It has been redrafted! Please give somefeedback on what you like or dislike about this one. Thank you ^.^

[Ella]

Hey, so I just reread it and it sounds much better this time around!! Good job! The only thing I would like to point out is that you use a lot of very simple sentences (short sentences) which kind of ruins the flow of the piece. Maybe try to read the piece out loud to yourself to increase the flow. Also, you are missing some grammar things, but this is very minor, just some commas missing here and there.

[unspokenpain]

That's actually what I was thinking as well. Still trying to figure out how to better write the sentence and fix the grammar mistakes but I also liked this one more. So you know the other chapters have had some changes but i wont ask people to reread them until I've completed the book. I just wanted feedback on this prologue. Thank you for your help ^.^

[Ella]

No problem. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need more help. I can see what I can do :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

That is a nice model of a prologue. It is the first look of your book. And the exquisiteness of it has tempted me to read the subsequent chapters. Keep it working.

[unspokenpain]

Thank you. Im looking forward to writing this book. ^.^

[Nia Lisa]

This is well written! You are talented :)

[unspokenpain]

Thank you! I love hearing that. I hope you do read the chapters as they come ^.^

[Thatonedawg]

I love this! The first paragraph really throws it in the air and leaves me wanting to read the rest! You convey a great amount of mystique and still begin a story. That is an amazing way to begin! Great work!

[unspokenpain]

Thank you. I'm happy you like the start to the story ^.^

[aLittlePain]

Really intriguing I have a feeling we're in for quite a ride with these two brothers. Just within the prologue these characters leave quite the impression (well on me anyway). I can't wait to see secrets unfold.

Nicely done. Rach x

[unspokenpain]

Thanks! I'm soo enjoying writing this story.

[wordman]

a mystery novel,it is very interesting and will make a great book..

[unspokenpain]

I most certainly hope it comes out good lol ^.^

[AliciaB]

This is quite a bit different than the previous version, but I like it. It's very mysterious and intriguing. I'm a bit confused by the whole idea of the two secrets and one "shining brighter than the other," as well as how the brothers factor into that. But from what I gather, especially based on the final line, we're in for a fascinating tale. Cool!

[unspokenpain]

definitely, just like it was stated the names and places have changed names and the story will still be the same just at a different pace and slightly different focus. I have barely re wrote the prologue so I'll probably have it updated tonight. But yes you are in for a very fascinating tale.

[aziza]

This is my first ever Chapter reading....and I... think I love it,seriously!

[unspokenpain]

Thank you! I'm glad you loved it!!!!

[Brittanie Bardwell]

I thoroughly enjoyed this prologue. You did a great job capturing a sense of mystery and adventure without giving too much away. I'm looking forward to reading this. Great job!

[unspokenpain]

Thank you. I do hope you enjoy the rest. ^-^