A Realization.......

The beginning of final thoughts...

I sit here now pondering some truths, maybe just truths as I can see them. Where to begin?
Truth is I see the merit of most all reasonable views and the merit of even unacceptable ones.. This I believe for much of my life led me to reside in the Grey of life and reality. I feel the truth lies in both individual and the many simultaneously. Many good things have come due to the inclination of self, likewise many bad. Many good things have come from the view of the many, also likewise bad has come. I'm not sure when in my life but I set myself toward the notion of understanding the balance of 1 vs the many, likewise the many vs 1. This lead no where and I allowed myself to be overcome by what seems like an insurmountable task of understanding real balance.
Where to begin to explain my perception through many?... I suppose to start at the beginning as I know of it. Self and perception and a mostly clean slate to be written upon. So here I will begin, be clear think not of me saying this from above,below, or even equal. I simply speak my lessons learned and expect you to do better than me. But because I have tried to find myself seeking to understand the many hoping to find where i belonged amongst them. A mirror... just as I suspect even the most self centered or most giving and understanding has looked in the mirror at some point with question... so I'll begin.
I'll only ask in reading my words you let go of all preconceived notions and try to see self and others in these words simultaneously, I suppose I wish could just explain the answer I'm coming to but I believe in writing this maybe it'll finally become clear to me along with you...


I will begin with as I see it now and than explain how I've come to these thoughts and perceptions. Probably a*s backwards but I've always been that since the day I was to be born lol.
The world is full of scars, pain, vendetta, love, beauty and more...
Subsequently when we pick among these to guide us in any form we lose sight that for every loved one lossed, too another one is born. They feel as you, this should not be hard to understand. It's most often the good start that leads to pain and the other half. This is because we lose sight we all feel the same of what we value. But this upon consideration should lead to understanding. A chance that we could understand that this cycle continues because of both self and the many rather than balance. Rather than seeing the one you fight regardless reason feels what you feel, has loved ones, cherished souls. Lost to a conflicted blinded by self while also believing that the many feel as you and so since we all feel pain we forget we feel the same love for ours as you do, if this is true how can we not see that the conflict over self, damages the many and the will of the many under this notion fuels this cycle.
I'll dare say until we use self to understand how we're all connected under the same pain and love it will not change.
Pain will never leave we die and lose people as it's intended, but why should one who loves his brother, sister, or parents, and so on take from another who feels the same. This is the Grey, not that black, white, or all color are wrong, but understand until you see each other as a mirror and ask questions, you can't understand the bigger picture.
To be fair I'm still banging my head against that wall, many that hurt me or mine I still have trouble with the idea of forgiveness, so I don't try to forgive. I look in the mirror they are and understand all do what they think is right no matter how obscure their view might be. I realized if I gave a chance to understanding the worst in my life. Maybe I'd have changed bot myself and the lives around me for better. If I truly tried I could see how they got there and why of sorts. This leads to keeping understanding to see how easily a few moments or losses can cause you to feel this gift has fell apart. But you have to remember there's only a few moments and choices between you and the worst or best of you and humanity, more importantly your gift to create and not take.