Begging Gets You Nowhere

My heart beats, pounds with the words I wish I could say. I know I should, if I want to move on. But I also know I shouldn’t if I don’t want this to change. Your perfection will be ripped away and I can’t help but to already feel the empty ache of the cold chill I’ll feel when your body heat disappears.

I feel colder now, even with you. But this is my fault, my own destructive behavior. Do you have a clue? Even now I doubt you do. With every muscle in my limbs I pull you closer, only for you to pull yourself away to stare at my face. I cling to you like a child about to lose her friend to an overseas war. This only emphasizes my childish insecurities, something I can only pray you can live with.

Which brings me to another point. I selfishly want, no, need to be with you for the rest of my life. To take you away from everyone and everything. To steal your chances at actually finding a worthy partner, a happy life. I carve into myself, the melon scoop into my stomach up through my ribs, hoping to carve out the incessant thumping heap that makes me even greedier than I already am.

If by some accident this act suddenly enlightens you to the mix of masochistic sadistic tendencies bestowed upon me from birth, then you’re a little more than lucky. Leave me now and you can break free from constant abuse. From constant cling. From constant annoying every things.

So I sit here googling 1001 cute things to do with you. 101 ways to tell you that I am a little more than in like with you. 10 from each category, I have already come up with and carried out on my own. 1 thing stands in my way. All the trillions and trillions of vulnerabilities attached to my stringy debased heart. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are the epitome of perfection. The quintessence of flawlessness. The paragon of impeccability.

And you are all mine. Selfish, greedy, hoarding, covetous, avaricious little me.

Vicious too.

And I am all yours and self loathing’s monster. Until you, selfless, humble, modest, altruistic, compassionate, decide the rightful thing and dispose of me and my sordid  love, unlove, love, unlove, love love love. Lovelovelove. Unlove, selfhate, unlove, lovelove, love love love.

Oh simply put. ^{I love you.}
_{Please love me.}
For a long while.