Colors

My first poem to be published online.. its really not very good..

FADING LIGHTS DOWN THE STREET
I'M KEEPING MY HEART ON THE SLEEVE
ONE MORE STEP, IT WILL FALL AND BREAK
2 MORE STEPS, IT WILL GET BURNED IN HELL'

TAKE IT EASY
TAKE IT LIGHT
I LIT MY CIGAR AS IM WALKING BY
I SEE YOU LOOKING ,I CLOSE MY EYES

I'M NOT MEAN, BABY BUT I'M NOT  GOOD
THE ROAD GETS DUSTY , I WALK BAREFOOT
THREW MY SHOES , MY HANDS ARE EMPTY
ME AND MY CIGAR , ON THE ROAD, NOTHING CAN GET ME

VINTAGE MUSIC, HEART SHAPPED SUN GLASSES
I M DYING AND THE SKY IS IN COTTON CANDY PATTERNS
SWEET 90'S BABY , THE WORLD WAS YOURS
ITS COMING AFTER ME,
I'VE LOST ALL THE BLUE WARS

CLOSE YOUR EYES,  THE SMOKE IS FADING
THE LIGHTS GO OFF, MY HEARTBEAT  SOUND IS MELTING
WHITE NOISE AND SCREAMS IN LIGHT YELLOW
THAT SAYS IT ALL, GOODBYE, MY EXISTENCE WAS JUST A ROUGH ERROR.

Author's Note

its pretty bad T.T

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Your poem is very good Ana. Your words are real and powerful your vivid imagery and metaphor use are extremely good. Great rhythm, beat and rhyme. I can see and feel the character."Me and my cigar, on the road, nothing can get me."-great line. Great character. Keep Writing!

[Ana]

Thank you so much for your amazing review, I really appreciate it !Your words really made me feel better!^^

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Hi Ana, you are very talented and very welcome! Glad to know you feel better.:)

[Jacob Clifford]

I quite like this poem. I know very little about music, but I think this poem could read well as a song. You have a lot of good descriptions, both of the scenery and internal feelings.

[JC]

it's pretty damn good, has a hazy, sunny city feel juxtaposed with the pain and heartache that gives it a cool melancholic vibe...made me feel a sepia texture for some reason...like it came here from the 60s

[Ana]

thank you so much for your great review it means a lot to me

[WoodenChair]

What is existence?

Great poem

[Ana]

thank you so much

[Hosimone]

You say that it's bad, but you have a lot of potential! I loved this. It's different. It has a different taste than what I've seen on here so far.

[Ana]

Thank you , I will work hard on improving my writing style , Your review is really amazing!
I didnt expect to get any reaction but I m so happy now ^^
Once again , Thank you very much !