To the one I will always remember

A Story by unprcdictablw

What if the past still haunts you?

"We're leaving." He said, the pain in his voice was visible.

"Where to?" I asked, and my heart felt like it was deflating by the second.

"California." He responded.

I bolted forward and my eyes jolted open. I quickly regained my composure and settled back into my bed.

Most nights when I fall asleep the memory of the day he left came like a landslide, the thought of him leaving, gave me a hollow feeling in my chest.

That day when we were inside our hotel room.

I knew I had tear stained eyes and a hollow heart.

I begged for him to stay, for him to stay with me.

That day when we walked through the airport, his hand tightly clutched into mine, we made a promise:

Regular calls, visits, and messages.

After he and his father left to migrate in California, It didn't stop us from talking to each other, for a solid month, we spoke twice a week then, it became once every two weeks. By Christmas, it was just a quick message on facebook every now and then.

We used to talk to each other all the time, but you never seem to talk to me lately and now it felt like I never knew you at all. I stared blankly at my phone and I remember all the things we used to talk about. You used to tell me everything, but now I don't even know who you are anymore, I don't even know if you still remember me or even think of me.

It felt like you chose to forget about me.

It felt like it was my fault for thinking we could've made it work.

You used to tell me everything, but now I don't even know who you are anymore. You used to call me nicknames, but now I don't even know if you still know my name anymore.

When my birthday passed, we hadn't spoke in months. Those moments when I waited patiently in my room, my phone in my hand just waiting for your message.

Now, I wasn't in my room with my phone in my hand waiting for your message. No, I was in my room with a razor in my hand, thinking how could I've been so dumb to think you'd stay.

When my birthday passed again and the hollow desperate feeling in my chest came back and it was as strong as the day he told me he was leaving.

Being the one that was left, the most difficult thing is not knowing whether to hold on and wait, or let go and move on.

"I can give you the world." I remembered you telling me, while we were walking along the pavement of the park, the moon shining, the stars twinkling.

Back then I wanted the world, because I know you'll give it to me. Like you promised. But only now have I realized that I didn't want the world.

I wanted you.

Right now, I want to let go and move on, you know? And I know I will never ever be able to do that. I will always remember you and those times when we were together. All the stuff we did were stuck on reply inside my head, the good mornings and good nights, the I love you's. You made me so happy, and I know I wont't be able to forget about them. If I could, I would've done it in a heartbeat. Because it'll be easier for me to forget about you and move on, like how you moved on and forgot about me.

I stood up after a few minutes, it was 3am in the morning as usual. I walked towards the mirror and gazed at my own reflection in the mirror. My eyes were empty, I looked half dead, my complexion was pale and I became the soulless version of the person I once were.

I know by now I mean nothing to you, but you still mean something to me, and this feeling I have right now, it won't be going anywhere in awhile.

Because I'm still obsessing about the last time we said goodbye.

"I love you."

"I love you too."