Not Here

I wrote this for my english class when we had to write something that could be considered part of the romantic era, so it has as much emotion as I could muster.

I wake up and my chest tightens I take a deep breath in then sigh as I am forced by nature to take another. This is my life now, if I could even call it that. How I live now is so different from what seems so long yet so little ago. It feels like all my friends have left me, even though they are all just a text or call away. It is not the same though, and now it has been so long it would almost be too awkward to say anything.

I'm so tired and I'm only twenty minutes into the day. Time to wake up and smell the coffee, yet another thing I dread. For me it tastes like poison. When its warm bitterness touches my tongue I feel like throwing up a little. Alas, for my brain it is now a drug to which I am addicted. I'm addicted to poison.

I gaze through the window. I think about the future and how I wish it were already here.

Then it hits me, and sadly, I realize that is not how it works. So, I am forced to think about how I will make I will make it through today. However, I hate those thoughts, as I contemplate who will ask me one of life's many most dreaded questions. How are you, to which my answer is always a lie as I say good or okay.

Oh and there are so many others, who do you want to become, who are you and what do you want.

To these I often respond with a simple I don't know but in reality, I'm afraid the answers to those questions are all thought out and none are pleasant.

For when I spend time with those questions and it has only been sixty minutes since I drank my poison, I get answers that almost seem exciting.

For who I am well to myself nothing or something that is nothing and something that is worthless.

What do you want to do with life, I tell you one thing if life were a person it would be no friend of mine because all I would want to do is grab its throat and end it.

And to the question in which its response I regret most is what do you want.

I want to not be here, I would love nothing more that to been anywhere but here. Here where I have no one to speak to. Here where I drink poison and call it life. Here where I panic and stop breathing at the thought of living another day. Here where my heart feels like it has taken in the task that before belonged to my eyes of filling with tears. Here where I look out the window and think about how once again I wish to go to the top of the roof to fly but fail just to not live another day. I couldn’t and I wouldn't though, but don’t be fooled for this is not a happy ending.

Author's Note

For my final in english i have to share my writing and writing skills to an audience that is not the class and then receive feedback from it. so i would love to hear what people think. PLEASE comment