Chaos inside the unchanged closet

Sometimes I wonder around my house alone singing to myself

I can be thunderous or soft, depending on my

Sometimes I forget what's in the drawer I just shut

So I'll open it once more

But I'll always have to do it again

Sometimes I'll watch the door quiver as someone knocks

I'll only stare until it fades away

Then when it's silent I'll peek outside and watch the bobbing back of my visitor walk away

Sometimes I'll draw a picture only to erase it

Though I wish I could show you

Sometimes when I wonder I sound nice

And sometimes I pretend you can hear me

I pretend to hear you say “How pretty, go on”

I'll sing some more

I pretend you enjoy my voice cresting the side of your tragus

Then sometimes I remember you're not there

And I'm just staring into a mirror seeing my emotions for you reflected back onto me

Sometimes I think about writing you a song

A song of my rambles about your hair and your smile

Sometimes I think I might one day sing it for you

Sometimes I look into closets where I already know the contents

Just to see if somethings changed

When I think about you I remember how I open the closet

Knowing what to expect

Knowing everything is exactly the same as the last time I peered in

I think about our relationship

I open the door, hoping for the future to be better or even just different from the past

The same way I hope you'll walk up to me and say “I love you”

But when I look inside at all the old coats and boxes never unpacked

I tell myself 'You knew'

Sometimes I when I sing I lean against the closet

I bang my head on the door, hoping for the boxes and coats to fall in series of loud noises and crashes

Hoping when I turn the nob and raise my eyes to the chaos

I'd see you