I Remembered

It was really weird

The other day I was sitting on my computer

I realized I forgot you in my bedroom

I've become so used to you always laying there

That you've become part of my household

You were only screen shots of happiness hung on my walls

I don't want it to be that way anymore

So I stood up and before I reached the door I became light headed

My calves started shaking in a way I wasn't used to

I felt my head, I didn't even feel my own touch

One step in front of the other

Next. One step in front of the other

Almost there. One step in front of the other

When I open the door to my room where I remember you last

There you were.

I stumbled when I smiled

Should I lay with you I ask

No reply, but I knew there wouldn't be one

No, I didn't want to wake you,

As if hoping I wouldn't wake you would some how bring you back... Some how wake you up

I press my hands onto the mattress, hung my head between my shoulders

When I squeezed my eyes shut, a tsunami raged through my skull

My back ached

I sat beside your image

Cracking my neck, extending back to the right, then left

God I was dizzy

My eyelids were being being held at the corners

Picking up a notebook already opened to a written on page

I could smell your scent rising

It smelt like you

Or what you smelt like before that night

I missed your smell

I'm not sure why I never shut the notebook, put it on a shelf, tried to move on

I guess I knew I could never. So why even try?

Did something just fall? Maybe somebody was knocking

It didn't matter

I wouldn't clean it up

I wouldn't answer the door

The air was so still

Your breathing was stopped

I missed your breath

Creasing my fingers in the dented sides of the page

Knowing you held it in the exact place I was holding it

Our prints overlapping

It brought me into some comfort

Your penmanship was always so awful

But I learned over our time to understand your scribble of nouns, verbs, adjectives and such

You could write in such a Shakespearean tone at times

I knew that when you swallowed your tears that night your mind must have been spiraling with ways to phrase the emotions running through you

I didn't blame you

I never did

Only questioned your methods

I could of helped you, I could of tried

I could of held you, listened to you, let you know I loved you

But you never gave me the opportunity

“I'm so sorry.

You. I want you to know that right now you're the only one I'm thinking of. Yes the images of friends, my parents, pets, co-workers all swirl through my thought process. But you. You for so long now have been the most important person in my world. That you deserve an explanation, an answer, not from therapists or people giving their regards. But an explanation from me. Even though I truly wish I could tell you in person, have you look into my eyes and see my sincerity.

I know I have to do this without you. I wish you could hold me right now, I wish you could push back my hair and kiss my forehead, smile at me and tell me it's okay, I wish I could hear you say 'I love you'. Just one last time. But I know you do. I hope you know I love you too. You'll never understand how much I love you.

But It's far-passed my time. Too much has happened-”

The words began to become fussy

I glanced to the bottom of the page

Not much left, I only have 2 more objectives for myself

1- Read this letter.

2-Write my own.

“Too much has happened to me, I can't even feel most pain anymore. I want to feel. I need to. This is the only way. This is my only option. I hate this feeling. The only sparks in my hollow vessel are seeing you sleep, or hearing your laugh. But loving me is like trying to ignite damp branches. How you've come this far I'll never know. But I appreciate your love, I love, your love.

My past is just that. I pray you don't remember me unhappy, staring at the tv, or burning dinner. Remember me when I nervously asked to hold your hand, remember my face after our first kiss, remember my laugh when you would kiss my neck in the dark, remember my touch when I would leave my prints under your eyes wiping away your tears, remember me in a better mood then I have been in recently. Remember my eyes. You always said that was your favorite thing about me.”

They were my favorite

Most beautiful pair of lookers I'd ever seen

“I Love You, I always have.”

The end

I never wondered 'Why weren't I enough?'

I never put myself through that when I know I'd never get an response

My turn I thought

My back was too weak to hold my head any longer

But It had to be

I'm sorry,

I can't wait to see you, I remember your eyes.

Reviews

[Laminators Dubai]

its a happy but sad write...the way to make it interesting to the last word...its really impressing...
thanks for sharing one special...^^

[Moon or The Moons Light]

Thank you!