defenders

thought i should write a war poem. its not that good but enjoy ^_^

Author's Note

They fight for what's right
Stand strong through the night

They land under fire
As their ride flies higher

All alone now
And they don't know how

Complete the mission or die
Their battle cry

Fools to rush in and defend
Its the grand beginning of the end

But they needed help
And we answered their yelp

Second squad mobilise
We were sending them to their demise

But still they fought on
Until they had won

They shout victory
And we are filled with glee

But the boys aren't coming back
That was only the first attack

Reviews

[x_ranger]

I thought it was pretty ok. I agree that it seemds a little unrefined, but overall it says enough. Nice job.

[Hannah]

By far, I think the best part of the poem was the ending. The final 2 lines really had a bunch of impact, it was a perfect way to end the poem. As for the rest, it could use some work. I know you were trying to stick to a certain rhyming form, but because of that I feel like the poem's lost some of its meaning. As much as you want to rhyme something, you have to be careful about losing meaning in order to make a rhyme. You can't force the rhyme or it'll sound exactly that, forced.
Overall, it was a nice read :)

[Harley (arbiter)]

Yeah. It was my first really war poem. Thanks for the honesty ^_^

[Hannah]

Wow for a first it's pretty damn good!

[Harley (arbiter)]

Thanks I honestly don't think its that good and it needs a deal of work. But ill get better and maybe come back to it ^_^ lol

[♪Barklight♪]

wow. wait, how the hell did i end up in the middle of a battle field?! jokes, good work Harly!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

A sad poem. I liked it, though there is room for improvement

[Harley (arbiter)]

Yeah I know, a lot. Lol

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Lol no it's pretty good. I liked it :)