The sapphire glow

"i'll be here, even when no one ever will"

Waves racing the shore,
I watch them as they come and go.
Some pave their way and win,
Some fade away with the wind.

Yet some fleeting moments linger as they be,
Ephemeral like the sun meets the sea,
Those memories in minds sing like sirens,
Holding us captive in the azure silence.

Our lives, just like ships passing in the night,
Entwined in the tapestry of fate and chance,
And so as they unravel after a stolen glance,
Somehow, their scent envelops our essence.

From the dark abyss to the light of dusk,
I swam and drifted against the currents.
The wanderers that wove my bones got faded into the mist of blues,
But their relics anchored me to the shore.

Sometimes low as seashells sunken in the sand,
Longing at the harbor for the ships to land.
But i know they'll never come. Oh, i know they won't,
Yet i'll be here, i'll be here by the ocean's sapphire glow.

Author's Note

Hey everyone.. its been a while :)
Please tell me if u like my new work!

Reviews

[FGFRANKLIN]

This was an interesting write. It slightly reminded me of the Jimi Hendrix song, Castles Made of Sand. The "fleeting moments" reference and sense of despair in the piece were what made me think of the Hendrix tune.

[grace]

Thank you so much for reading my poem! I really appreciate your kind reviews.
I haven't heard that song, but i'll listen to it right now.

[FGFRANKLIN]

I think you'll like it. It's about fleeting chances and missed opportunities.

[grace]

Yeah, i did like it. And I can see why you thought of it :)

[Maria E. Mendez]

I love the ocean. This was beautiful and your descriptions are dreamy. I like this very much.

[grace]

Thank you so much! Kind people like you really encourage me and i'm grateful for you to taking the time to read and appreciate my work

[Maria E. Mendez]

My pleasure. We have to lift each other up.

[grace]

Yes, thats right :)

[The_Ancient_Rock]

It's very good.

You have a good style of free verse... Close to poetic prose...

I enjoyed it very much!

Keep on publishing. 😇

[grace]

Thank you so much for your kind words! Your feedback means a lot to me. I'm grateful for you to read my poem!!

[The_Ancient_Rock]

You are most welcome.

Blessed be.

.👍😇

[JayG]

Well, you did ask...

This is all over the place. Here and there you drop in a rhyme, with no predictability. You change the subject and direction at random, and in some places logically inconsistent.

S1 is about waves.
S2 is fleeting moments
S3 is about "our lives" and how we smell doing something to "our essence" whatever that is.
S4 is a about a dark space of some undefined kind, and how it relates to dusk.
S5 is about seashells hoping ships will come by.

What’s the theme? No way to tell. You're focused on finding a reason to use using poetic tropes,

And you really need to edit. “Some pave there way and win?” That makes no sense. First, you mean “their” not “there.” Next, “paving” means construction of a hard surface. Water has problem with that. And waves don’t race. They follow one another, don’t move all that fast, and aren’t sentient.

When you say, “Those memories in minds sing like sirens.” First, sirens sing to lure sailors to their death on rocks, so the thought can’t work. It appears that you’re saying things in the hope of sounding literary, more than expressing a thought.’

That aside, some points.

1. They’ve been developing and refining poetry for centuries. No way in hell can you write it with the nonfiction book report writing approach we’re taught in school. Head to the website below and download a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. And read it at least once. It focuses on non rhyming poetry, and does that beautifully.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

2. If you rhyme you need to learn the techniques of structured poetry. There’s a LOT to it, and its all necessary, because rhythm is an integral part of such poetry. Ignore it and the reader's tongue stumbles. For more on the necessities and reasons for the various techniques, head to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. You’ll find it eye-opening. And...a really good book on structured poetry is again, a Mary Oliver book: The Rules For the Dance.

Sorry my news isn’t better, but you did ask.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

[grace]

Hi Jay, I'm glad that u reviewed my poem in detail. Thank you so much!
I see and understand all the points that you've mentioned.

And yes, my bad, i'll edit 'their', thank you.
About the theme of the poem, i am afraid you are not right this time and you didn't quite catch it very well.
S1 is about waves that i've used metaphorically for people who come racing in our lives and fade without any notice.
S2 is about the fleeting moments we share with them.
S3 is about 'our loves', the people that we meet and then even after when they leave, their essense stays.
S4 is about how sometimes those little things that we learn from people we see can save us at so many moments. Like just thinking about something they said.
S5 is knowing that we may not see them ever again but we're still in a little hope that the world is small and we'll strike into them sometime again.

About all the literary things you say doesnt make sense, firstly i wanna say that english is not my first language and i'm not a professional poet, its just a hobby and i'm new but lucky to learn from you :) And also, i think the worsd all together make more sense than you may think because its just a figure of speech. For example, when we say 'catch you later', they're not literally gonna catch us. So in a way, i know, waves follow each other but they race till the shore because many dont get to meet the shore.
Thank you so much for the recommendations, i'll see them when i'll have time :)
Thanks again

[grace]

'*our lives' with the people that we meet

[JayG]

• S1 is about waves that i've used metaphorically for people who come racing in our lives and fade without any notice.

You’re missing a critical point: The reader has no access to your intent. They must make do with what the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR life-experience, not yours.

• firstly i wanna say that english is not my first language and i'm not a professional poet.

By not professional you actually mean that you’ve studied the skills of poetry not at all. But they;’ve been developing the skills of the profession for centuries. Do you really believe that you, with only school-day writing skills, which are 100% nonfiction, you’re going to somehow intuit all that knowledge?

Writing is a learned skill. Had you not taken the time to earn it we couldn’t be communiczating. As Lary Brown put it: “There’s no such thing as a born writer. It’s a skill you’ve got to learn, just like learning how to be a bricklayer or a carpenter.”

You can download a readable copy of the book I linked to, free. If you really want to write poetry....and I hope you do, take the time to read a few chapters.

Yes, you have something valid to say. But poetry is NOT written in the way we learned to write, They offer degrees in poetry related courses. And they do that because the skills taught there are necessary.

Try a chapter or two. If you are meant to write, you’ll enjoy the reading, and learn things like why we sometimes say “rock,” and sometimes “Stone, for the same thing.

[The_Ancient_Rock]

Omg! What a f... Idiot!

[Coffee Vampier]

Three way denial.

[grace]

No, i haven't studied or have knowledge of any writing skills at all. I dont intend to gain any as this is my hobby, I'm not trying to become a professional, If i wanted to, i would've published my work but I write because I do it for myself. I am not trying to prove anything else. It's just therapeutical for me. I say it here because i can't say it out loud. I speak my original mind and i dont think i need a degree for that. And I'm sorry if you didn't like it, but i'm proud of it, and many people here have understood it too.. All respects to you as you might have many years of knowledge sir but you can't say that if someone wants to write something, they cant do it until they have earned the skill of writing and are not allowed to share it with their whole hearts either. I'm sorry again if you didn't understand my intent of the poem. This poem is for the ones who know how to feel it, not by breaking it down word to word, especially grammatically. But still, Thanks.

[grace]

I also wanna tell you that even if you deleted a comment here, i can still read it. And all i wanna say is, i do remember sending a read request to you, and i had absolutely no problem with your review, i was even glad to read it, and i happily explained to you all the things you didn't understand.
But you didn't need to be so aggressive and antagonistic about it in the comment that you deleted. This platform allows people from all over the world to post and doesn't ask if they have a degree or so.
So, it would be much better if you could act a little nicer and show a little respect to people you don't personally know here.

[JayG]

• But you didn't need to be so aggressive and antagonistic about it in the comment that you deleted.

It actually wasn't directed at you. I failed to notice that the comment I replied to didn't come from you.

[grace]

oh then its ok..! :)

[Coffee Vampier]

F**k us less.

[grace]

lol briges get some work to do

[Coffee Vampier]

Bully shut the f**k up

[Coffee Vampier]

F**k you. I'm Hatley Quinn because of you

[Ken e Bujold]

i really like the opening lines to the 4th V ... from the dark abyss ... against the currents. Captures the feeling of time's rhythm extremely well

[grace]

Thank you so much for saying that! Your kind words really encourage me!

[Betty Hermelee]

Beautiful metaphors and use of words, vivid images all fit together with color and structure….sapphire glow and moments to remember…always waiting for the ships ( perhaps your love) to land….
I like this very much, keep writing your fine poetry
Best, Betty

[grace]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome
Best B.

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Grace… waiting by the Sea as the Sapphire glow shines forevermore in your Soul…
My heart 💜 goes in and out as Sunset fades into the breeze of Destiny. gently, Pat

[grace]

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and sharing your beautiful words, Dearest Patricia. Like the Sunset fading into the breeze of Destiny, our emotions ebb and flow, but the beauty of the moment lingers forevermore :)

[John the Baptist]

"Ships passing in the night." I believe that's Longfellow, and it refers to relationships that were intense but short lived. I think that's what you're speaking of in verse three. There are some really stunning lines in this offering, especially in verse four. Verse five is a hymn to hope. You have got to be older than 16.

[grace]

Yes, you're right about the third verse. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my poem and being so thoughtful about it. Your kind words really encourage me.
And, Haha, yeah, i just turned 17. Thanks again!

[Michael Stevens]

Excellent poem, Grace; I say that as the world's worst poem meaning figure-outer!

[grace]

Haha, I'm sure you're not the worst at it.
Thank you so much for reading and appreciating it tho :)