you seemed proud

heart breaks last and ache

Its funny

How when I think of you

Whats real and whats not real

Blurs

And my mind gets stuck

In the black pit

Of my imagination.

And my attention

Always becomes fastened

On that one night

Valentines Day -

When you told me I was beautiful.

And this time I actually believed it.

The words cascaded through the air

Like butterflies in the spring

Spritzed with love and laughter

Just like that.

And you let me rest my head in your lap

And you leaned down to kiss me.

You brushed my hair back from my face

and said

“I love you,”

Not like the kind you say to your mom

While your closing the car door

On your way to science class.

 It wasn’t just thrown out there either,

Like when you drop a paper airplane from your balcony.

Not sure where it will go.

And it wasn’t an answer -

as if I was questioning it.

it was a statement.

like you wanted to paint it in black ink

on your neighbors car

for everyone to see.

You seemed proud.

 

It was the very first time anyone had ever been

Proud

To have loved me.

And that very first time

Has corrupted me ever since

Into Thinking that there is still someone that loves me out there

Who is proud

To have loved me.

But your not anymore

Your not, mike.

Your embarrassed.

When you hear my name

You wipe me off

Like you do with the dirt on your knees

After loosing a football game.

 

Loosing that game for you was an embarrassment.

And all I am to you

Is dirt from that lost football game

From that embarrassment.

Dirt that is easily shaken off -

That has now become meaningless.

 

So if you can just shake me off as easily as dirt

Then why cant I?

Why am I still stuck in the past

Of that one night where someone

finally

made me

feel

wanted. 

Reviews

[bronxlover0813]

been there, done that...now I know for a fact that if no on else can relate to my letters of regret, you can....i liked it and it made think and remember things id idn't want to think about or remember, but it is waht it is ...peace...i will continue you to read your stuff becaue each piece awakens emotions in me that i've been avoiding

[under-the-water]

this is honestly the nicest review of ever read in my life. I'm so excited that MY WRITING actually did something besides sounding annoying and verbose
thank you so much for this review - i bet your awesome

[Ahmad Cox]

Aww very sweet and heart felt. I hope you are able to find yourself again in time so you don't feel so much like left over dirt.

[Zeek4]

A very cathartic piece. I was impressed with the maturity exhibited. Heart felt. Good job.

[Sami Khalil]

Whats real and whats not real
blurs.
A nice write.

[under-the-water]

thank you sami - i appreciate your review

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome .

[no sun]

To be wanted far exceeds being had. Love that feel of somebody efforting for me. Love this piece!

[under-the-water]

you like it! thank you! i was afraid that it was kinda a crappy thing - but I'm glad someone liked it haha! thank you so much for reviewing it!

[no sun]

the pleasure was mine :)

[Kenaz]

You feel so alive when you wake up in the morning and know that somewhere there is someone who wants to see you; someone that wants to love you. Realize that every day when you wake up you love yourself for who you are. Now someone loves you no? For if you do not want to love yourself, no one else will want to. A thousands ships pass and none were launched for you, but in different hemisphere there sail another two.

[under-the-water]

ok, i understand what your getting at. so the only way to gain another person to love/be proud to want me is to love/ accept myself first. ok - i will work on that. thank you and i will tell you how it goes :) - thank you for the review!!! very kind!

[Kenaz]

Np

[lee von cleef]

Well put, why why, a prize to be proud of ,a slice of time written down remembered ,yours his. Stand Tall, do ,be I have been doing "research" lifes and caught in a tide pool,caught in a loop of the past will kick your a*s.

[under-the-water]

thank you for the review!!! lifes and caught in a tide pool,caught in a loop of the past will kick your a*s - true stuff
thank you so much!!! :)