Chapter XXIIA Chapter by CalypsoIn like a lion, out like a lamb, at least that’s what Lily always said. At least for this year it was true. Most people seemed antsy because Spring Break was coming in a month. It seemed silly, but people were
gearing up for Spring Break like people get ready for Christmas. In her classes January was just about
to give up. She was three weeks shy of the end of her trimester and she felt so
tired. She assumed she would experience tiredness sometimes in her pregnancy
but now it was hitting her like a ton of bricks. If she wasn’t daydreaming about her
bed she was in bed and when she was in bed she trimmed off time of her classes
so she could have thirty minutes or an hour more of sleep. The baby was at week 23 and things for
January grew uncomfortable. Now it was harder for her to sleep during the night
and sometimes to even sleep at all. Often she would steal Xandera’s extra
pillow and shove them under her growing belly or between her legs just for the
comfort. On a normal night she peed before bed,
woke up at 1am and pee, woke up at 5am and pee again. By the time she was up at
8am she felt like a zombie. Lack of sleep is bad for the baby, but
there were times she wondered what would happen if she aborted it. The
wondering thought were followed by a churching sense of guilt that just wished
she could kill herself. Kill two birds with one stone or (relative to January)
kill two people with one bullet. The thought of suicide grazed her mind
about every night and at time she feel asleep with it still there, waiting for
her in the morning. The school was still on a sort of lock
down. The rules had been less enforced as time went along but Xandera still
found time in her busy day to complain about the rules. January was starting to wonder if anything
ever tickled her fancy. Between the art showing and homework
she had only time to think, to wonder. At times she wondered what would happen
if she told Xandera what happened that night and other times she wondered if
she hadn’t worn red. Her psychology teacher told them guy associate red with sex. What Jamie said resonated in her mind.
The event its self may not have been her fault, but the lead up to it may have
been. When January was 16 George and Lily
went on a couple’s retreat in the middle of October. They didn’t want to leave
her home alone for a week so they sent her to Amadeo’s (her dad). During the school Amadeo is always
more strict then in the summer. He told her that she had to be home at 9:30 and
in bed by 10:30. Celia thought it was fair because she was 18 and had the same
curfew. January wasn’t used to a lot of rules.
In Lily and George’s home the ground rules where: no drugs, no sex and no
alcohol (unless a parent gives it to her). Other then that she could do as she
pleased. On the third night of being there she
didn’t come home at 9:30, in fact she didn’t return until 11. That time spent was at a 7-11, alone.
She had no one to visit to talk to; she just wanted to break the rules. When she came home Amadeo was sitting
in his armchair in front of his wide screen TV. January thought about scaling up the
house and going into her window but she knew she could never do that if she had
vertigo. When she stepped though the door
Amadeo jumped out of his chair as if he had been waiting for her all night. He
had rolled up the newspaper he was reading and started waving it in the air as
if she was a dog that wet on the floor. He had many choice words for her.
January was hurt by many of the things he screamed at her but she never cried.
Now she can only remember one thing he said. “If you’re going to act this wild and
crazy then I would bet my life savings that you’ll end up having a child out of
wed-lock.” He said more, thirty minutes worth of
more, but the last statement stuck with January for the past two years. Looks like his gamble wasn’t in vain.
She is now lying in bed wondering about the things growing is side her. Will
it look like him? How will I feed it? Will I have to give up school? January knew if she came out as pregnant it would really hurt her mom, but her dad would disown her. If the baby would be born who would
have the time or money for it? Most people would say put it in foster care or
have it adopted, but that doesn’t always go as well as you would want it to. She can’t stomach abortion and not
just because she’s Catholic, for her there wouldn’t be enough punishment for
aborting her child. Yet maybe if the child were dead it
would be spared the pain it brought on. It could be spared from any pain. January couldn’t live with this
anymore either. Maybe suicide was the answer. As she lied in bed the next night she
heard Xandera up and moving about. January had just woken up from a full
bladder and had returned from the bathroom. “What are you doing? You’re going to
wake Willow up.” January whispered. She could the curse of Xandera’s back and
that was it. She stood up and took something from
her mouth. January realized it was a flashlight. “I doubt we’ll wake up Willow.
You and I both know she never sleeps. Even vampires and beasts sleep.” After turning off the flashlight
Xandera climbed over the hill of clothes on the floor and flicked on the light. Willow was sitting up and looking off
at the distance. “What are you going up at 3am?” “I had to pee. What about you?” There
was an edge of defense that January hadn’t intended when she said that. Placing a hand on her hips she
answered. “I dropped my brush.” On top of Xandera’s desk were ten
tubes of oil paint and an open notebook. There was a trail of thin paint
splatters going from the window to five feet away from the desk. “What? Have you ever painted in the
dark? I find it…sexy.” January didn’t care what she thought
about it. She just had the push aside the clothes to find the brush. “Aww…” Xandera picked up a black tank
top splattered in yellow pant. “And I actually like this.” Her lower lip stuck
out a bit. January hardly felt sorry for her. If
she didn’t want it messed up, she wouldn’t leave it in the floor. She kneeled down to pick up the brush
when her shirt came up. “Oh look at that belly!” Xandera
roared. “Are you pregnant?” “A…a…I” “Oh she is!” Xandera laughed and it
sounded evil in January’s ears. “January…
what happened?” Willow sounded more kind. Her mouth felt dry, like it was filled
with cotton balls. “Is everything alright? Who’s the
father?” January couldn’t believe herself but
she said “Jared” and felt better. “So when you were dating he bedded
you?” She paused “Just like that? You had just started college!” “Hay!” January yelled in response “I
didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask to be raped!” Both Xandera and Willow gasped even
though Willow had already heard the whole story. “Do you remember that night… the night
I asked for you to come and pick me up from the hospital.” January spoke
without a quivering voice. “Well that night Jared drugged me and here I am,
pregnant and... wrecked!” January stopped for air but there was
nothing else that needed to be said. Shaking her head Xandera said, “Why didn’t
you say anything.” “Cause its all my fault. I feel like
s**t.” She thought about bursting from the
room but as Xandera came up to her with open arms she had no choice but to take
the hug. Once the embrace was broken Xandera
tried to speak to January but January could barely understand what she was
saying. She felt overwhelmed and too tired to
have a decent conversation. As she slipped between the covers Xandera stopped
asking questions for the time being. In the morning Xandera would have a
whole new set of questions in store for her, all of which January never
answered. © 2011 Calypso |
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1 Review Added on July 17, 2011 Last Updated on July 17, 2011 AuthorCalypsoWVAboutI'm a full time college student, part time worker. I'm two years away from my bsw! In my free time I read, write and sim. Check out my tumblr blogs some time. http://emmy-1127.tumblr.com/ more..Writing
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