August 14

August 14

            After all of the confusion I felt dazed. I was told my Janna that I was promoted to level and counting today I have only twelve days left here.

            Janna briefly asked me about my contingency plan after leaving and I responded that I planned to intern.

            She nodded slowly but without much concern. “What really matters is if your dad and Dr. Small is able to come up with an after care plan that both can agree on.”

            I was about to ask Janna more but she had to run off to Eva who looked a few words shy of a fight.

            My emotions have been on the edge today anyways. During down time I’ll find myself falling into sad emotions.

            I’m scared of everything. The questions I wondered spanned over many things.

            What if the house burns down?

            What if the church has to cut him off?

            What if… he killed himself?

            I felt sick when I realized Dad could kill himself. But them again couldn’t we all? I never thought Morana would. It was almost as she was physically incapable of doing so. But I turned out wrong.

            I slid down into my chair and tried to let the thoughts flow from my mind. Instead of leaving they replayed in my mind over and over again.

            Last week I was so busy but it seems to me that when I’m not as busy, sad, uncomfortable emotions seek to destroy.

            The main person on my mind was Morana.

            She didn’t have to kill herself, but she did. 

            Here I am realizing my dream in life when she never had a chance. The balance in her life was never right. So now my life is becoming better and she ended it all before things could be better.

            I squeezed my eyes shut and placed a fist on my stomach. Thinking of Morana left me with a horrible headache and stomachache.

            The bell was called for us for to move on to group therapy.

            When there I sat in the chair by the window and tried not to think.

            Janna’s voice became a soft drone as she jabbered on about something. I tried to mentally take myself away from the room.

            Morgan might have said a word or two, but it was Janna who did most of the talking.

            “What about you Aelge? You’ve been quite today.” Janna said loudly. I wanted to snap back that I could hear but I decided to cool my jets.

            “I don’t feel like talking.” I said with a cool voice.

            “Do you have anything to say about suicide?”

            I shrugged “I’m afraid not.”

            Janna narrowed her eyes on to me. I could tell she wanted something from me.

            “If I remember right your sister killed herself.” She said matter-of-fact. “I’m sure you have stories from that."

            I bit down onto my lip, trying to dam the words I wanted to say.

            “I don’t like talking about her.” I responded coolly.

            The atmosphere seemed to become colder suddenly. There was a shadow cast in the end of the room was I sitting in.

            She cocked back into her seat and said, “Is there anything wrong?”

            “Sure there is,” I crossed my hairs over my chest, “Some people assume that things are easy to talk about. It’s just simpler to be quiet.”

            Janna paused and came back with, “Bottling emotions put you where you are now.”

            That’s when the lid blew. I jumped out of my seat.

            I started yelling, “What the hell do any of you know! My sister stole my Dad’s gun and shot herself in her room! Her stupidity destroyed my life!”

            With a flash I stormed out of the room and into the TV room. Some guy was watching TV but I took the remote from him and turned it to South Park.

            Five minutes into it a counselor appeared out of nowhere and told me to turn the TV off. The large beefy man kept pointing his finger at me until I handed the remote over. He quickly changed it back to ‘All in The Family’ and didn’t speak after that.

            I stayed in the seat despite the fact the guy probably wanted me to go.

            Memories started to wash in heavily.

            The day Morana killed herself was so normal. And that’s maybe that what struck me as the most odd.

            The night before we were watching a movie and Morana started spouting off things she wanted done when she died.

            I, of course, wasn’t listening and Morana had to yell my name to get my attention.

            “Aelge are you paying attention?” She snapped.

            I was lying in the floor in front of the TV and I shrugged. I would much rather watch the Mr. Bean movie then listen to her funeral plans.

            “Ya,” I yelles, “I heard you Morana.”

            I thought that was the end until she started quizzing me. “What song do I want played at my funeral? What clothes do I want to ware?”

            I quickly sat up and huffed “I don’t care. You’re safe and you’re not sick. You’re not dying anytime soon.”

            That day was the first time she had come out of her room for longer then five minutes in months and I ruined it.

            I saw tears well up but she walked to her room and I soon went to bed.

            The next morning I found Morana at the table playing with her toast. She looked like she has something on her mind.

            As soon as I walked into the room she said, “Go outside and play.”

            “Where’s Dad?”

            “He’s visiting people in the hospital. Go on, it’s a nice day.”

            I did as she told me to. I was swinging from the tire swing when I heard it, a gunshot.

            I have always been terribly afraid of guns. Yet I was scared for Morana because the gunshot had come from inside the house.

            This was before I had a cell phone and there was no way I was going back into the house. I screamed my way to the neighbor’s house.

            She was a kind elderly lady who always made cookies for us on Christmas. I babbled what happened and Mrs. Henderson ushered me into her house as she called the police.

            I watched the police cars pull into our yard. They had their guns drawn as they easily went into the house.

            While Mrs. Henderson wasn’t watching I sneaked out and into the house.

            When I came in all five of the policemen had collected by Morana’s open door.

            “Morana!” I screamed. I could help but to run to the door. One of the small men grabbed me and started for the font door.

            “I want my sister!” I kept crying.

            Mrs. Henderson kept me for the night. Dad had come home to find the police parked in your yard.

            After that he had to go to the hospital. I can only imagine what he had to go through. Dad was way too busy to come home so Mrs. Henderson set me up a comfortable bed in her guest room, but I didn’t sleep that night.

            The next morning Dad showed up and sat me down. He was crying heavily.

            He told me that Morana had taken his gun from his room and shot herself in her room.

             What shook us the core the most was that we never even expected it.

Author's Note

Sorry this is so long. This is the longest chapter so far.

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

I'm hoping it was just the stress of her success that brought all this out. The best moment of her life perhaps just turned into a very ugly moment. I'm surprised no one came to sit with her after she ran out of that group session but then maybe no one really cares. It does seem that way with the mental health 'professionals' to me anyway. Maybe in the next chapter she gets some much needed attention.

[PyroKitty24]

I thought the length was wonderful~
I was happy to learn more about her sister, although it's always a hard topic to go through. I know that you never expect things like that, even though she said all of those things about her funeral plans and killing herself. Even if you suspect something, which i would never expect her to at that young an age, it's hard to decide what to do or what to say. I know how that feels.

[Chris38]

I like the way you filled in the backgound to this. Thsi has ben a brilliant story

[trainwreck]

It was a great chapter. Good job. I love the depth you are adding.