July 24

July 24
          I woke up feeling worried. I didn’t want to see Roman. Last time I almost got into big trouble. Thankfully for me my luck most have been working over time, but I don’t feel as lucky tonight.

            I felt overly nervous threw out the day. There could many reasons for that including that I have decided to stop taking Prozac (even though I was told to never stop it without my doctor’s permission) and that Roman expects me tonight.

            During the first free time today I tried to call Roman. It took ten minutes to fight threw the zombie like drug addicts but once I had my chance I remembered that Roman had never given me his number.

            As soon as the ‘zombies’ discovered that I had no one to call they pushed me aside and took the phone receiver from my hand.

            When I stepped back they swarmed my spot and carried on as if I had never broken their crowd.

            I sat down in the seat and felt my head swim. I didn’t want to see Roman, but there was another part of me that did. Once my best friend, Abigail, told me that I have a bad habit of wanting to belong, even to troublemakers. At the time I denied what she said, but I now realized she might be right.

            I went to Dr. Small’s today. She asked me why I never had journal entries for Wednesdays. I stuttered for a second as I tried to think of a lie, but I finally said that I felt there was on need to write an entry for Wednesday. I felt like trash after saying that lie, but she bought it and there was nothing else said of the matter. Maybe I need to stop tearing out the entries for Wednesday, but if I did then Dr. Small would know about Roman and if I continued to she might become suspicious.

            During my session with Dr. Small Roman was in the back of my mind. I didn’t tell her that I stopped taking Prozac, or the feelings I’ve been having. I simple said that I felt like purging and at this point she shrugs it off. I’ve said that many times but only relapsed once.   

            Since Dr. Small won’t see this entry I plan to explain why I stopped taking Prozac. First of all I feel like it hasn’t been helping me lately. At first I felt good, but over all the urges to purge haven’t been lessened. The other reason for take the Prozac was for my rituals. I rarely have periods when I do my rituals, and when I do it always relates back to numbers. Dr. Small said today that she has finally decided that I’m borderline OCD. If someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder took Prozac it would be helpful but even Dr. Small said that if I did have OCD it would be very mild. It took her over a month to decide on this. I don’t need it.

            You know maybe I’ll keep up with my secret entries. I like being able to write as I please and not having to feel like I have to be careful.

            While writing that last sentence I’ve come to my decision that I will not go out tonight. I hope Roman won’t become angry, but I want to prove Abigail wrong, I want to show her that I don’t always have to belong. 

Reviews

[PyroKitty24]

I think she made the right choice by not going out to see Roman. But it's dangerous to just quit something like prozac. Even the weakest anti depressants you need to ween off of them.
And this is my birthday! I just wanted to share. Why not~

[Tina Kline]

I think that was the best choice for her.

[Chris38]

She is fighting hard still. Grown to care about her a lot.