Your Beauty Mocks The Roses

How dare I compare you

to a rose? You are so much

more than something that

will fade.

 

Your smile is engraved

in my soul and your scent

lingers in my nose.Your voice

plays like a lullaby in my head.

 

And though you

are gone I still have

hope that I will

see you again. I know that

death will have no hold on me once I

go to heaven.

 

I know one day I

will be in heaven with you, praising God

like we did on earth. You went to

the four corners of the earth to tell

the Good News.

 

Your beauty mocks

the roses. You have a

wonderful soul

and I’m jealous that heaven

has you.

 

You will last longer than

any rose. I'm glad to know your life

will live on. Your Godly

message will bring many to Him.

 

Author's Note

Tell me if there is any mistakes.

4th place
Jul 28, 2011

* Story/poetry time
* Your Beauty Mocks The Roses

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: Huh, I was surprised to see religion wound in with the lines. A good surprised, though. You told a good story and your imagery was nice and pleasant. I like how you took comparing beauty to a rose and ran in a different direction with it. That was a good twist.

Cons: None.

Overall: An interesting piece.

[absolutefolie]

This is great. Beautifully written, nice job :)

[Dinesh Sairam]

*then - than. "That fades" should be better than "That will fade". Other than that, I don't understand why you've broken up the sentences. They'll do good without breaking them up. A very fair poem, which of course can be improved in terms of imagery, rhyme and rhythm.

Keep writing.

[serpent]

its a beautiful write...simple yet touching in a very special way... i have gone through the very phase you described here and that i think added on to the way i felt after reading this piece..
nicely penned!