July 19

A Chapter by Calypso

July 19

I was dressed by the time my alarm clock when off. Eva, April and Morgan slid out of bed when I was brushing my hair and grabbing my camera.

They all looked at as if I was insane for being up so early. After last night I wondered if I was going insane.. I had tried to go to sleep but after a nightmare about Morana’s death I couldn’t imagine sleeping. If my dreams were going to constantly remind me of the past then I wasn’t going to dream.

I had finished packing my purse when Morgan sat down on the floor in a dreamy state. I quickly took a picture of her before leaving. Once in the cafeteria I was given my breakfast. On today’s menu were pancakes, hash browns and ham. I can’t believe I have to eat this. I hate mealtime. I always feel like a failure when eat and now I feel like crap all the time. This sucks.

They are supposed to raise our self-esteem here, not lower it. Mealtime kills me, it really does.

I suddenly had an idea. Mr. Cooper said for us to take photos about our past. The assignment is due today I only have taken four photos and he wants five.

Working quickly so Janna wouldn’t see me I cut up the pancakes, and poured all the syrup packets on it. Then I added all the eggs and ham to the mix. Sitting back I wondered how I could make the food look disgusting to even someone who would eat anything. I then added mustard and ketchup and milk until it looked like vomit.

I took a photo and after doing so I heard Janna ask, “What is that?”

“Art.” I said matter-of-fact. I took another photo after changing the light settings. I turned around and took a photo of Janna. She looked green. Success, I made food look as gross as I see it.

“Aelge,” Janna gagged but continued. “Get rid of that.”

I looked down at the food. I felt suddenly glad. Was this an exemption to the to the clean plate rule?

I jumped from my seat and dump my trash. Feeling proud of my self I sat back down.

“Now go get yourself another meal and come with me, we need to talk.”

I felt my stomach drop like a stone. I tried to not let it show but I was trembling. After getting a second meal I followed Janna sheepishly to her office.

“You can sit your food on my desk.” She said placing her hand on her desk. “Go ahead and sit down.”

I did as I was told. Janna was watching me like a hawk. I figured I might as well eat. I didn’t know why I was here and I wondered if what I did at breakfast had any part in it.

Janna watched me meal the whole meal. I expected her to say something while I was eating, but there was nothing said. I closed the lid of the to go tray to signal I was done.

She sat back into her seat and said, “How are you feeling?”

“Bloated, but other wise okay.”

Janna nodded her head “How are things here, at Bryant’s?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“You aren’t upset about anything are you?”

“What do you mean?”

Janna paused trying to think. “Last night we looked at the cameras, like we always do, and we saw you walking around between 1am and 4am. Do you want to tell me why?”

I felt like I was going to pass out or vomit, or both. After the spinning stopped I spoke “I can’t sleep.”

Janna raised an eyebrow. “Really? You know you can stop by the nurses’ section for a sedative when your insomniac?”

“I do now.” I could feel my muscles clenching. I pushed my back into the chair because the spinning started up again.

“What were you doing?”

“Just walking around.” I lied quickly, a little too quickly.

“Not taking photos or reading?”

“Ya that too, that too.”

Janna pursed her lips. “You know you’re in trouble for this, don’t you?”

“Are you going to tell my Dad?”

Janna shook her head. “The only reason why we told your dad last time was to explain why you were in the hospital.”

“So if you knew that I purged but didn’t need to hospitalized then you would have said nothing.”

Janna’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t get an ideas. Right now you’re on a short leash and that’s for your protection.”

“I don’t doubt you. I was just wondering.”

“As I was about to say,” Janna said glancing at her watch. She was cutting into school time and she didn’t want me to miss too much school. “You will be punished. I’m not being cruel; you just need to know that there are consequences to your actions.”

“But I’m a good person.” I mumbled. I wasn’t sure why that exploded from me. In the past few years I’ve felt like dirt, that I’m not worth anything. I still feel that way, but after seeing how crazy some people are I’ve started to question if I’m as horrible as I think.

Janna continued, “You will be held back a level. You won’t graduate to level 6 until July 26^th. Also you will have to vacuum the library for a week.”

“What time?”

“From 7-8 in the afternoons.”

I finally nodded. After writing something down Janna walked he to my English class.

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