July 14

July 14

            I didn’t have a journal entry for yesterday just because I didn’t feel like writing. I know that is an easy excuse, but its true. After talking about mental illnesses for the second time this week I felt mental drained. Not that I even said anything. I treat to not even hear what was been said.

            I thought of the time when I tried pot and got drunk. It was just last October when that happened. I had just started high school when a junior all of the sudden started paying attention to me.

            I would be lying if I told you I didn’t eat up the attention of an older boy. I would also be lying if I said he was a Christian. I remember once that I went to a winter retreat with my church and they told us girls that non- Christian boys were a no-no. Dad even said that. In ninth grade I had a hunger for braking rules.

            So it would come to no surprise that I tried vodka the first chance I had. My boyfriend didn’t pressure me like they do in those cheesy coming of age movies, no I was the one to grab the bottle, take a deep drink, and have him think I was a rebel.

            Only problem was that I had never drank and I doubt hard liquor was a good way to start. It tastes terrible and was warm going down, but I loved the feeling it gave me. It, for a moment, took me away from my problems, from bulimia and put me in a place where I felt I couldn’t be touched.

            My boyfriend, who liked to see others in pain, rolled up a dooby and told me to take a hit. The weed was even better. I felt like I was floating in my skin.

            Nothing happened afterward because he drank and smoked a lot and ended up almost in a coma.

            I had to walk myself home. As I walked I wasn’t afraid of the things in the shadows, in fact I was hoping someone would kill me. Sadly though I made it home. Dad never found out and I don’t think I’ll ever tell him.

            I dated that boyfriend for two months. In that time we drank and smoked weed three times beside the first. We never had sex because his libido seemed to drop once he had a shot of vodka. The most we ever did sexually was sloppy and awkward kissing. I was the one to brake off the relationship.

Reviews

[PyroKitty24]

You kept using brake instead of break. But I just feel the need to comment that that isn't true, about none christian boys, as I'm sure you know. That's more of a teenage boy thing in general. I know christian boys that do that stuff, and non christian boys that do it. I also know those of both categories that don't. That is just a ridiculous stereotype for people to be spreading, especially adults.

[Tina Kline]

Nice chapter. I enjoyed see into her past a bit.

[Chris38]

Good to learn more about her.