June 30

A Chapter by Calypso

June 30

Fourth of July is quickly approaching. During movie therapy I over heard two girl’s plans for the fourth. Janna has yet to tell me if I can leave or not. Since I failed a level it’s more then likely that I’ll be stuck here.

A group of level nine girls were putting up decorations. They seemed overjoyed by the possibility to leave here for a day. I feel useless and depressed watching them and Roman could sense this. Somehow he reminded of a dog, loyal and a having a weird sixth sense.

“Well if it ain’t Miss Aelge in the flesh.”

I lowered the book I was reading. “Roman. Sit, please.”

He did as I said. Then he pulled something from his pocket. It was three chocolate chip cookies wrapped in Saran wrap.

“I made a dozen in home economics today. Some how I figured given some way would fit in with the twelve step program.”

I looked at the cookies as if they were evil. “No…. Thanks.”

Roman pushed them towards me. I wasn’t sure if he had another motive to the gift. Despite what he side I had a gut felling that he was saying something about my weight.

On of the reasons I started fasting was because I knew that boys don’t like fat girls. I know for sure that the prettier you are the more people like you. Humans are vein; we are pulled in by beauty.

If I ate the cookies even if I could became even more ugly. I have already gained 15 pound since I came here. I bet if I gained anymore then when I left for school in September I would be made fun of like the obese kids.

“No thanks.” I said again. I stood up and walked off to the TV lounge in a try to get as far away from the food as I could and the temptation.

Today Dad preached during my class. He preached on the mother of Jesus, Mary. I wasn’t able to pay attention because I knew that he would try to talk to me after church and eat lunch with like he has been doing.

Just as I predicted when Dad couldn’t find me he found Janna and she who him that I was still in the room. I was hoping I could blend in with Eva and Morgan and pretend to listen to them compare finger nail polish.

My plan failed. Dad was able to hunt me down like a dog. His eye sparkled when I told him that I gained five pounds. I talked to Dad for five minutes before Janna walked up to us and asked to talk to Dad in her office. She told me to follow them.

I knew what was going to happen. I was so fizzy with fear as we walked down the hall to her office. The walk reminded me of the same walk John Coffey took to the execution room in Stephen King’s Green Mile.

Janna’s office was similar to her personality, clean and organized. There was a small bookcase beside a red sofa. Dad and I took our places across from Janna.

“How are you today Pastor Howard?”

“Well, thank you.”

“Now the reason I’ve called you in today is about Aelge, of course.”

“Yes I was notified that she was hospitalized for passing out and they had to put in an IV. Why is that?”

“She’s still dehydrated. Apparently the hospital you had her last in wanted to get her out quickly so they just put in an IV long enough to give her enough to survive. What we did was give her enough nutrients so that she could be her best.”

“Okay.”

“But there is some other reason we called you in.” Janna turned to me and smiled. “Do you want to tell your Dad?”

“I purged last Tuesday.” I whispered into the carpet.

“Aelge…”

I could hear his disappointment in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Why Aelge?”

“I feel ugly, no I am ugly.”

“That’s not true. You look like your mother and you know she was beautiful.”

“Was?” Janna asked. “I don’t think Aelge ever told us about her mom.”

I felt scared and closed in with all the attention.

“Her mother died from cancer when she was eight…” I could hear writing. I tried to send out mental signals to my Dad to stop what he was about to say, but it didn’t work. “And her older sister, Morana, killed herself.”

After writing down what he said Janna responded. “I’m glad I found out. These are things we really need to know.”

Dad nodded his head. “I don’t think Aelge ever got over either of their deaths.”

“Two loses like that is very hard, but I would like to help her. How did her sister kill herself?”

“She used my gun. It happened five years ago.”

Janna shook her head. “I’m so sorry Aelge. I can’t imagine how tough your life has been.”

“So, what are you going to do now? You know, since she relapsed?”

“Change our game plan. She talked to her psychologist Friday and she made a new plan. We’re going keep a close eye on her for a while.”

“Does this mean she’ll be in here longer?”

“Yes, a week.”

I sighed. Despite doing told I could stay I was afraid that I would be kicked out

“Aelge.” Janna said. “Where is your camera?”

“I have forgotten to wear it since I came out of the hospital.”