June 29

June 29

            I had to go to therapy today. Not that I went kicking and screaming but I felt a bit of apprehension in my stomach. I knew what time Janna would come for me and I dreaded 6:30 all the same.

            When 6:30 p.m. came rolling around I followed behind Janna shamefully. The walk to Dr. Small’s office seemed to take forever.  

          Dr. Small was sitting in her office typing when I came in. As always she looked too beautiful to be working with people with eating disorders. Her young face was lightly covered in makeup and her light brown hair was flowing down her shoulders. And the cherry on top was that she wore a beautiful dress on her picture perfect body.

          “Dr. Small.” Janna said. The doctor looked up from the computer. “Aelge is here.”

          “Thank you. Aelge you can go ahead and sit down.”

          I did as I was told, sitting right in front of her. She asked if I wanted something to drink. I answered no, but she ended up persuading me into taking a can of soda.

        She came back with a diet Pepsi in one hand and a regular Pepsi in the other. I hoped the diet was for me, but I knew better. After handing me the can I opened it and without taking a drink sat it down in front of me.

           "How do you feel?"

           "Okay, sick I guess."

           "You guess?" It sounded careful, but if the tone was any different I would have been offended.

           Scribble, scribble. I watched her pen dance across the paper as I answered, "I feel like a pregnant cow. Beyond ugly. I have felt less weak since I was in the hospital although."

           “What happened?” Dr. Small asked pulling her glasses out of her desk drawer and place them squarely on her face. Crap, they made her look even better.

            I shrugged but then decided to answer. “I’m so tried being made to eat. I don’t need much to eat.”

            “So you need to release the food from your body by purging?” She knows why I purged. She knows that I think I’m fat, she’s just trying to find out why.

            I felt angry, I felt depressed all the same time. “I just… tried of this fat. I would like to get better and I know that includes gaining weight, but I never imaged that I would look… so ugly. Mind you that I would purge by not eating back home.”

            The doctor nodded slowly, "Some people purge by vomiting, but you use starvation as your way. Am I hearing this correctly?"

            "Ya."

            Dr. Small wrote down a few notes. “So then Aelge let’s say that you do gain you target 50 pounds, what do you think will happen?”

            I paused. “For starters I won’t be liked.”

            “Why not?”

            “People talk bad about you when your fat. They think you’re lazy and a hog.”

            “You’re working to become healthy, not obese. Here we make sure that you won’t die from starvation.”

            “Well guys don’t like fat girls.”

            “Would you rather have a guy based upon how you look or to like you for who you are?”

           I pursed my lips, not saying anything.

        For the rest of the session she asked what was on my mind before I purged and what has been bothering me lately.

Author's Note

Reviews

[PyroKitty24]

Another odd font for the last sentence. You kept using tried for tired. But I'm still interested in the plotline

[Daydreamer54]

tried-tired.
but purging-by purging
“Checkmate.” Aelge mumbled.
u accidently wrote in third person u mean "I mumbled."
That's not right, big girls need love too!

[Chris38]

The doctor is useless and doesn't understand anything. Still a great read.

[youngwriter222]

I can understand where Aelge is coming from!

[Tina Kline]

I can understand her feelings here, that's for sure.