June 27

June 27

            I woke up with my head pounding. Last night I wasn’t able to sleep well. Maybe because of worry, but then again I didn’t really have anything on my mind when I went to sleep.

            Earlier in the day I began to worry after school. I hadn’t turned in the essay that I was supposed to do because I was in the hospital. In photography I had to hurry up and develop the photos that were due today.

            During lunch and art therapy I thought about all the failures I seemed to gain in my life. I started out high school shy and having no place to really fit in. I didn’t dress right, so I was never popular. I could never sing or play an instrument well so anything music related was out of question. The instrument I did play (the piano) was of no use at my high school. I took a lot of art classes but there was always someone who was a better artist then me. Everyone I talked to was in honor classes and they were praised for being so smart. It seemed as if everyone had something they were good at, except me.

              As a child I ate when I was bored. I ate a lot more when Mom died in 2nd grade. This was mostly because of stress. In 5th grade Morana committed suicide and I ate more. Maybe stress, maybe more boredom either way I was a human blimp.

             I started purging in the beginning of 8^th grade and the weight loss gained people’s attention, so in 9^th grade it became worse. I wore clothes that were tighter, smaller. Boys talked to me and everyone told me how good I looked.

            I felt pride and honor knowing I could do something that on one else could, I could eat and lose weight.

            It wasn’t until April that people started telling me how sick I looked. Even Dad became worried. He would give me larger portions of food and I ate that only to purge later. When ever we had a church function Dad would spend his time watching me, making sure his youngest daughter was fine.

            Sometimes I wonder what he thought when I was found in the hospital covered in puke. Did he sigh with relief? Did he thank God that he knew my problem?

            In the last two weeks that I’ve seen him he seems… relived. Would his worry be as bad if Mom hadn’t died or Morana hadn’t committed suicide?

            In art therapy I thought about sending the clay frog to Dad. It almost seemed sad that the piece would just be thrown away. It looked bad and I knew it. I decided to send him the piece we were working on then. I had to make a watercolor of a rabbit.

           Later in art class I had a little fun.

           To my horror the art teacher had a photo of a stuffed rabbit posted on her board. She told us we had to copy it to our best abilities. I did so, but I add a bit of my personality to it.

            Instead of the rabbit standing straight up, it was lying on it’s side. The eyes were replaced by two ‘x’ s and it was cut up he middle with stuffing pouring out.

            When the art teacher saw it she shook her head sadly. She reiterated that we were supposed to copy it and I responded that was how I saw the rabbit.

            I decided that I wouldn’t send the watercolor to Dad, but I did take a photo of it in case Mr. Cooper, or even Roman, would find some humor in it.

Reviews

[PyroKitty24]

Nice. I can understand his worry

[Daydreamer54]

When ever we had a church function Dad would spend his time watching me, making sure his youngest daughter was fine. whenevr we had a church function,

In the last two weeks that I’ve seen him he - in the last two weeks that i've seen him,
Ha, i knew she commited suicide! ^^ II know nothing to be happy about, it sad wat happened to her,but i was just glad i was right.

[Sunflower 20]

i can really relate to the part about fitting in at school. great chapter.

[Chris38]

Thisi all too familiar a tale but it is none the less intersting and well told

[youngwriter222]

Wow, now I am finally starting to understand a little bit of what caused Aelge to have an eating disorder.
School is never a great place for people, there is so much stereotyping and it can change a person forever!

[Tina Kline]

Another really good chapter. There's some insight given on some things that caused her to develop an eating disorder.