Chapter 22 A New Beginning

Chapter 22

It was if reality hit me then. The world slowed down as I keeled in font of the headstone. With trembling fingers I traced Kiya’s name and date of death. Then my hand snapped to my mouth to catch the vomit before it could soil the ground. I dumped the yellow colored liquid near by and spit a few times before returning.

“I’m…I’m sorry for that.” I said as tears started. I could fell my lips quiver as the cried rose into my mouth. This time I cupped my mouth to try to stop the loud cries.

“Why?” I gasped. “What the hell did you do to die?” I questioned taking a fist and pounding the headstone. I felt pain ripple threw me before I did anything else.

I curled into a fetal position in a try to hold me self together. I felt as if I was going to exploded any second. Like a baby I started to rock back and forth, biting down on my sore hand. The air smelled of rain and I could hear the distant rumble of thunder.

“I miss you Kiya, so much.” I said sitting up. My breath was caught in my ribs. “Why?” I wailed. My heart pumped faster. It felt fragile and about to break. Every muscle in my body was in tuned to weeping. I always knew that people die young, but I never thought it would happen to Kiya. “Why did you have to die?” I asked the grave. I closed my eyes as if I was listening for a whisper, yet all I heard was the approaching storm.

It was useless for me to try to take to the grave, I would have as much luck to have a conversation with the storm or the grass. I laid my head down on to the grass. It felt like a carpet under me. The ground was so comfortable, I could tell why these people stayed in the ground.

“I’m sorry and if you can hear me in heaven,” I paused. “Tell no one to cry. Don’t cry for me.”

Hysteria burst threw me like lightening. With out any control a scream emitted as it started to sprinkle. I felt the rain falling heavily. The air had a chill to it, and I started to fell my bones cool.

“I guess heaven’s crying.” I whispered. “Heaven’s tears.”

The rain fell in sheet. It seemed to me as if it was heaven weeping at my sorrows, that someone else knew about me, and of me, and cared.

In the vast black shy the rain drops were falling like bullets. I could hear them thump as they hit my head. I stood up and took one final look at the tombstone before leaving.

My body felt weak as I went home. The walk to the house seemed infinitive. No one was wake, there were no lights on in the houses. My nerves were exhausted when I came to the house. Deep inside I didn’t care that I didn’t have a plan or that I was going to snick in.

Before moving I looked up the side of the house. My window was on the second floor. If I climbed up the shingles I could to the window and  open the window. Pulling my weight up seemed too hard. I put all my things onto the deck and tried again. Before moving upwards I make sure my footing was safe. I’ll say that it wasn’t too safe, but I couldn’t just walk into the house. I just wanted to get Dad’s anti- anxiety pills and get out. Where I was going, I wasn’t sure, but all I knew was that I needed to get away.

While climbing I thought about all that has happened in the past few months. The Will in May would be surprised to know the Will in August believed in God, but was addicted to anti- anxiety pills. I would have been surprised that Kiya died, but not surprised that I ran away.

I looked around me. I was seeing the neighborhood in a light I never had. In the land of perfection at some point the rain covered us all.

I felt me lose my footing before I could tell I was falling. When my body fully slipped the world around me was a blur. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I tried to fight the fall, but I was only making things worse.

When I hit the desk I screamed as loud as I ever had. Then darkness slowly swallowed me.

When I woke I noticed two things 1) that there was a person in my room and 2) that I wasn’t in my bedroom.

A low, slow moan came from my mouth. I heard someone gasp, “Will!” I felt arms hug my neck. I tired to fight back by  trying to push the person away, but I realized I was too weak too move. As my vision cleared I saw that the person hugging me was Mom. I tried to move but my legs felt numb. Before I could fall back she cradled me in her arms. I was being treated like a baby, so frail, yet I didn’t mind it. She placed me back onto my pillow and I felt my body sink into the bed.

“Where am I?” I asked. My throat felt dry and cracked. Feebly I motioned for the water pitcher beside my bed. Mom poured the water into a plastic green cup and then held my head as I drank. The stale water felt good as it ran across my chapped lips and dry mouth and throat. She lifted the cup from my lips and lowered my head.

“Where…”
”The hospital.” She interrupted. “Honey do you know who I am?”

“My mom.” I said simply.

Mom’s faced went from worry to joy. “What your favorite animal?”

“Panda?” I answered wondering why she was asking me this.

She kept on. “2 plus 2 is?”

“4” I shuck my head “Why are you asking me this?”

Before answering Mom’s hand rested on my check. I thought she was going to pet the side of my face, but instead she pulled down on area under my eye and looked in my eyes. Her lips pursed as she looked deeply. She had enough to looking into my eyes her joy turned into anger.

“I haven’t been so angry at anyone in my life.” She growled lowly.

I could feel my breath freeze in my lungs.

“You had the nerve to run away and leave me and your father and Mrs. Davis and everyone scared shitless. How stupid Will. How stupid.” She hissed. Her hand became a fist and it faintly reminded me of the abuse I went threw in the foster care. I could feel adrenaline flood me.

“I’m sorry Mom.”

“Just be quiet for a minute.” She said forcefully. “You were in a concussion for two days. You didn’t even know to fed your self. You’ve got damage on your back causing you to know have trouble moving your legs. You can move them, but after some physical therapy.” She added as if to reassure her worry. “You’re stupid Will. And guess what else they found in your body? High levels of drugs. Pain killers, anti-anxiety, what the hell Will? What’s up with you? First fight with Wade, and then you brake your father hand.” She brought up her fist and I thought she was going to hit me. So I shot out of my bed only to fall into the floor.

“Will!” She gasped. “I was only going to put my hand in my pocket.” She keeled down and hugged my trebling body. She rocked me slowly as if I was a baby. She finally let go to help me into bed. After she did so Mom sat at the edge of my bed.

“Your father and I have been talking and we plan on sending you to physical therapy and counseling.”

“What about you?” I snapped. “You’ve got your own problems.”

“The person we’re sending you to is our counselor also. She talks to all four of us. Your Dad and I on Monday, Wade on Tuesday and you on Thursday.”

I paused for a second waiting for her to finish, but she said nothing. Finally I laid down and closed my eyes. Soon after I felt Mom kiss my cheek and whisper “Everything will be fine, one day.”

Second Place

Nov 21, 2010

• Feeling Chapters
• Chapter 22 A New Beginning

Reviews

[Prateeksha Khot]

really sad and touching. It does happen that when we lose some one whom we loved with all our heart , some one special, someone near and dear, we lose the desire to live as well. We feel that there is no reason for our continued existence, for us to go on living when the person who mattered most to us, who was the light of our life, the very cause for our existence is no more. At such times , totally depressed and dejected, we may take drastic steps which we feel that will lessen the pain but which, in fact, prolongs it.

However we forget the fact that there are still people who love us an care for us and such course of action will surely affect them as well. In our love for the person who is no more , we forget about the love of those people still around us.

Hence we should refrain from doing such things which will hurt them and sadden them deeply. Just think, if the loss of your loved ones led you to take such action, wouldn't your loss to them lead them to take the same course of action. Is this what we want? Continued and chained wave of sadness and depression and misery? No, definitely not. Because that would not make the person who is still with you happy, neither will it bring peace to the one who is no more.

Don't be selfish. Think of others before you take any step.