Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

            Once again the loneliness seemed welcomed. Last night Mom had rushed Dad to the hospital and Wade just decided to tag along. Dad had one small broken bone. He was given a brace and low dose pain medication to dull the pain. He was still already to go to cook the Fourth of July picnic.

            They left early in the morning and I felt so free. I was sad that I wouldn’t set off fireworks with Leo or go swimming, but I loved being alone.

            I dug up death metal CDs that I was always afraid to play. When I turned up the music until the walls vibrated. I laid on the floor feeling the music sweep over me. My mind wondered back to the things that I didn’t have to do, and the things I did have to do.

            “Saturday.” I mumbled. That’s in three days, I only have three days to destroy my relationships. Wade already hates me and Mom’s really annoyed with me. All I need to do is get ready and made sure that Mom will hate me.

            I went to my drawing pad and picked it up. When flipping threw the book I realized that I had ran out of paper.

            With a flick of the wrist my drawing pad flew across the room. It hit against the wall and dully thuncked when it landed.

            Sunlight bathing my room. I looked at the wall. The wall was so clean, and had small flowers prints on it. When I ran my hand over the aged wallpaper it felt smooth. Dad told me that when they bought this house from its previous owners that they never changed the wallpaper because Mom thought it was too beautiful to mess up.

            And that’s how I came up with my plan to lose Mom’s love and trust.

            I prepared by pouring paint onto Mom’s china and placing towels on the floor to catch the paint drips.

            The paint brush swiftly and slowly moved over the wall. The black paint stayed but started to run. Swiftly I ran over the drops with a line of blue.

            My heart began to beat faster as I realized what I was doing. I popped one of Dad’s pills and wait for the good feeling arise.

When it did I felt as if the world had slowed down by a great measure. My eyes would see the paint brush be placed on the wall, but it was almost as if I wasn’t the one who put it there.

Now I felt as if I was floating and any second I would fall asleep. The way I felt and the way the world seemed was unreal.

And I enjoyed it.

I did fall and when I did I dropped the plate I was holding and It splattered everywhere.

I just laughed, but when I did I could feel the edge from the medicine leave. Nevertheless the euphoria I felt stayed when I painted the rest of my wall. Drunkenly I pushed my wardrobe over so I could get to the wall behind it. The chest in the corner was pushed all the front of my bed.

Laughter floated in the room when I would visualize Mom’s face when she would see the wall.

I call this my master piece, she would call this trash.

As time came and went I finally finished the wall felling as if I had ran a marathon.

Just about the same time the clock chimed midnight and Dad, Mom and Wade pulled into the driveway.

Then I realized what I had done came crashing down. I wanted to make Mom angry, but I didn’t want her to see it.

Working quickly I tacked a blanket over my wall. Despite the fact only a small part was covered I left the blanket there.

I ran onto my bed and covered myself up to my hair.

My door never opened, but the sounds downstairs were loud. Mom and Dad’s voice’s eddied in and out of my room as I would slowly drift into sleep and be woken up.

I couldn’t hear them, and I was glad that I couldn’t. What they was talking about was probably something that was troubling them.

Half asleep my mind started to wonder.

If there was a god then could this all be changed? All the pain in this family?

What am supposed to do then? I got up from my bed and looked on to the sky. Small stars sparkled as if there wasn’t a family falling apart and everybody was happy and everything was simple.

I wish everything was simple and I was happy.

If there’s no god then what happened to Kiya when she died. For some reason I could never see Kiya just dying. All her energy, all her happiness just ending when her heart stopped.

Something had to happen, she had to gave gone somewhere.

I got up from where I was sitting and started to pace the floor. What if when she died she went to heaven, or hell? No Kiya was too nice of a person to go to hell. But once Kiya said being nice had nothing to do with going to heaven.

I held my head in my hands and growled lowly. I wish the answers were clear, I wish that all the pain was gone.

Within seconds I laid on the floor and felt random pains shot threw my body and my stomach churn.

            My heart it self slowed down as I finally fell into a deep coma like sleep.

            In my dreams I was entertained.

            Kiya stood in the living room watching TV.

I had walked down stairs and she was sitting her with her normal nightclothes and watching her favorite TV channel, Animal Planet.

I raced to her and grabbed her in my arms, breaking down the whole time.  Tears ran quickly down my face and covered Kiya who never moved. Her skin was soft and warm. She seemed angry, and upset. The dimples that lined her lips were tuned down.

“Kiya, talk to me.” I said holding her. She never moved, rather her head lolled on to her side.

“Don’t leave me. No!” I wailed. “I need you. We all need you. Please.”

There was a knock on the door. At first I was hesitant to open the door. Nevertheless the person opened the door. It was Mom with bags of groceries in hand.

“Mom help her! She’s dying!” I cried out.

Mom screamed and I turned around to see a large black dog standing in the corner. His teeth as showed and he was growling lowly.

“Mom.’ I said weakly.

Before anything could be done the dog came after us. First it went to Mom and attacked her. She was simply bitten on the legs. Blood flooded the floor as Mom fell to the ground. Then the dog ran towards me and bit off my right hand. I screamed as loudly as I could, and until the point black frogs started to come from the door.

“Kiya.” I said. When I turned around she was gone. In her place was a blanket and a book. The book was wrapped up and I wanted to pick it up to read it, but I was in too much pain to do so.

I woke up with my blankets on the floor and my heart racing. It was late, and I had only a few minutes to get ready for work. Quickly I put on jeans and a T- shirt.

            Mom looked anger when I got down stairs. Along with that tired and annoyed.

“Ready?” She said tapping he fingers against the table. She sighed picking up her stethoscope. “Get in the car.”

I did as I was told. We didn’t talk, we didn’t even try to look at each other. It was as if the we both had the same dream, and it scared us speechless.

Traffic was heavy for early morning and that worsened Mom’s already fowl mood. Her fist were tightly wrapped around the stirring wheel. Her eyes darted in between car to car.

“Damn it.” She cursed suddenly landing on the break. The light had turned yellow a few feet before we could under it. She looked from the corner of the wind shield up to the stoplight.

“Mom,” I started “Is there a god?”

“Yes, Will.” She said annoyed. Her answer sounded like the same you would say to a child when your nerves were frayed and they were pasturing you about something. 

I shrugged and placed my hand on my chin. “Just wondering.”
Mom didn’t say anything, but rather she speed on to the clinic.

Inside the air was turned away up and I started to freeze as soon as I sat down. Mom went off too see her first patient and I went to work eating the suckers out from the jar. Time seemed to low down dramatically as my mind kept wondering back to my plans for tonight.

This was how it was going down.

I was going to pack my bag with things I would need, write a note, and just leave. Simple, but hard at the same time. What if someone saw me with a backpack and wanted to know why?

I tapped my foot impatiently when I saw that there was only two hours left. I rolled around in my chair waiting for time to quicken.

Around noon though I was given something exciting to do.

One of the nurses came running to the desk gripping to her clipboard.

“Get a wheelchair and some kinda drink and snack and bring it down the hall please.”

            I did as I was told. Quickly I got Doritos and Gatorade and placed it in the wheelchair to take down the hall.

            A small huddle surrounded a women in a lab coat. Her hand was out from the crowd and her feet was also.

            “Wilma.” Dr. Davis called for me and gestured for me with a small flick of his wrist. When I came around to him I saw the women on the floor was Mom.

            Her eyes were open, but they looked dull. She never moved and never looked at me.

            “Dr. Mouser you pass out.” Dr. Davis said. One of the nurses grabbed the snacks from the wheelchair and handed them to Mom. She took them, but laid them to her side.

            “Do you feel sick?” 

            A small feeble nod of the head was her answer.

            Dr. Davis sighed lightly. Gingerly he help her into a wheelchair. “Room Five.” He told the nurse pushing the wheelchair. He kindly patted Mom shoulder and then turned to me. “Wilma please go in my office. I’ll be there in a minute.”

While waiting for Dr. Davis I went over in my head the things he might want to talk to me about. I thought about my actions lately, but then I thought of Mom. Was he going to talk about me, her, or us both?

 When coming into his office he grabbed two bottles of water. He sat one in front of me and opened the other for himself.

“How has your day been?” He asked wiping water from his mouth.

I shrugged. “Okay, nothing new.”
            “Speaking of which I have your paycheck for you.” He said opening his desk. He pulled out a envelope with my name on it. I opened it and saw my normal amount of money.

“Thanks.”

“You don’t have to say anything, just don’t tell the work force.” He chuckled lightly. “If anyone asks you’re volunteering and I’m giving you … a gift. So what have you done with your money?”

“Put it up in my safe. I haven’t felt like shopping.”

He nodded slowly. “So dear why don’t you drink some of your water?”

“Hun? Oh. I’m not thirsty.”

“I haven’t seen you eat or drink anything since Kiya died. All I’ve seen you eat has been candy. You look as you’ve lose a lot of weight.”

I nodded. “I guess. I haven’t really noticed.”

“I have. I’ve noticed a lot. I took care of your Mom, and looks as if she hasn’t ate in forever. Is this true?”

I paused. “I don’t watch her eat.”

“How is she at home?”

“Upset.” I said simply. I couldn’t help but want to leave.

“I’m pretty sure. What about you?” He said going threw his drawers.

“I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, but I prescribed your Mom some special medication and I want you to be sure she takes them.”

“I’ll try.”

He pulled out another thin envelope. “My wife sent you this. You know she thinks a lot of you. I’m sure she’d like to see you again soon.”

I held the envelope in my hand timidly. Slowly I got up from my seat and nodded towards him. He smiled sympathetically and I walked out feeling as if I was exposed.

I did want to look at the envelope much less open it so I tucked in inside my massager bag. Then I placed the massager bag inside Mom’s car.

Dad came to pick up Mom and Angel drove Mom’s car home.

Everyone, even Wade, was surrounded around Mom. A few times she told us to go, but no one moved. Dad wanted to wait on her hand and foot. Instead of them arguing like they have been for the past few days Dad was slightly more patient with Mom. I could tell he wanted to yell at Mom, but he never did.

During dinner I slept on my bed trying to avoid what I knew would happen. Just as I thought I was woken up by the sounds of Dad’s voice raising and Mom’s raise to meet his.

His deep robust voice rang threw out the hallway and into my room.

“Nora you’re making your self sick! I can’t believe you!”

“But Tucker I feel so bad that eating hurts.” Mom whined.

“I don’t care women!” He yelled louder. “Maybe if you ate something then you’d feel better.”

I picked up a stuffed panda and placed it on my ears but I could still hear them.

“What do you know!” Mom’s voice was loud but it shocked as if she about to brake down. “I’m the doctor here.”

I rolled over onto my other side and place another panda on the other ear. Nothing was helping, the noise was still leaking threw.

“Tucker I can’t believe you!” Mom’s voice became distant. I sighed for a second; I never realized I was holding my breath.

Mom was saying something but they seemed to have moved.

In the corner was my messenger bag.

“It’s now or never Will.” I said farley loud.

I grabbed a bundle of clothes, a book, and my paycheck and shoved it all in to the bag. My heart was racing as I thought my plans over.

I would get a motel to stay in the town over and stay for as long as I felt I needed to.

My bag was getting full but I was able to put snacks, flashlight ,a first aid kit and a sleeping bag.

Then I laid in bed until it was two. When I no longer heard noises I put on jeans, another shirt and my shoes.

As quietly as I could I sneaked by Mom and Dad’s room and Wade’s room.

I saw the light from the TV when I started down the stairs. I paused waiting for some kind of sound. I heard nothing so I carefully went into the living room.

Dad was sleeping in his Laz-Boy. The TV was on at a weather channel. They were talking about how their had been no rain for weeks.

Cautiously I walked up towards Dad. He was snoring dully. His breath smelled of steal beer and potato chips. I started to feel bad for what I was about to do but then I reminded my self why I was running away.

I should at least write a note.

I scribbled a note on to Dad’s open note pad. The note said, ‘I need to leave to get my head clear. I’ll be back soon.’

I wasn’t sure when soon would be. The letter was short and to the point.

The door didn’t squeak, the floor boards didn’t pop as I gracefully left.

As soon as I was outside I started to run. All at the same time everything came together. The fog that has been surrounding lifted and instead of being tired by body couldn’t go fast enough. My heart was beating twice as fast, and joy blossomed in my chest. I had to bit on my lips, it was all I could do to stop from laughing.

The dark night had a bitter bite to it, and I loved it. For the first time since Kiya died I felt good.

I was free.