Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 

            During work the next day I kept my eyes pilled for what Leo had told me about. When Mom would walk out of a patient’s room I made sure to watch her closely.

            Moat of the time she would come of the room with her gaze trailing the floor. Dr. Davis would only look at her; he would not even take the time to talk.

            Mom seemed different that was for sure. When going to and from she would shove her hands in her pocket and shuffle her feet until she got to where she needed to be.

            Sadly, I had a hard time observing her though. Despite the fact I over slept I was too tired to pay attention for too long. While Mom was out of sight I would walk around my desk again and again felling as if I had some hidden energy I needed to get rid of before I could pay attention.

            Like Mom I would slowly and quietly walk and watch people talk from a distance. No one seemed to noticed me when I napped in the break room. nurses, doctors and physician’s ascendants alike would look over me. No one noticed me when I drank the last Pepsi. It was almost as if I was invisible to everyone around me, and I liked that. Though out the day I would all the time yawn, do everything in a haze and daydream about the TV I was missing.

            Around lunch I never saw Mom, or her car.

            So Leo was right. At first because I never saw Dr. Davis say anything to Mom I figured that Leo had lied.

            I waited for her outside. Her car creped into the parking spot when she finally came back. After waiting an hour for her I was angry. I ran to her car before she even had a chance to get out.

“I wanna go home.” I whined as she rolled down the window.

“My gosh Will give me a damn moment to at least get out of the car!” Mom grabbed onto the handle and jiggled it before looking up at me. Her eyes were puffy and red. She was talking through her nose which means it was running.

“What?” I snapped.

“Get out of the way.”

“Stop yelling at me.”

“I’m not yelling, I’m just telling you to do something.”

Huffing, I went into the back of the car. Mom stepped out to get something from the back, and then got back in the car.

No body said anything to each other as she drove. Despite the fact random thing started to run in and out of my mind.

“People fail also, then who will you turn to?” Mrs. Davis once said. For some reason what she said meant more now then it did before.  

Later that day at dinner things were quiet, as always. Mom would stare down at her food, never touching it.

The meal she had pieced together was spaghetti. The noodles were half stiff and the sauce was bitter as is she hadn’t added sugar to it.

“Nora eat.” Dad commanded.

“I will.” She said.

I picked at my food also and Dad’s eye shot towards me. “Don’t you dare think about wasting that.”

I huffed and shot him a look of anger.

“Don’t give me that look.” He warned.

“What! What I’d do?”

“Will just go to your room.” Mom said.

“What you want me out of your hair?”

“I do.” Wade said.

“I didn’t ask you!” I yelled while picking up my knife. Wade’s eyes become narrowed as he reached for my wrist. Mom opened her mouth to scream, but it was Dad who really did the action.

Before I knew it Dad had me in a lock with his arms weaved through mine. I fell to the floor and the knife fell with a dull clunk.

After high school Dad was a police officer for two years. Being shot wasn’t one of his favorite things so he finally went back to school to get his Bachelor and Master’s in English. Work on the force most stay with you for a long time for him to be able to do that in a flash.

I writhed in his grip until he turned me around to face Mom. She had her hands on her neck. From the way her lip was pushed slightly out I could tell she was fighting back her tears. Her gaze never met mine and I was glad of that.

“Look! You made your mother cry!” He yelled.

“Let me go!” I yelled back. Finally I was released, but with pains in my arms. My twin showed his anger, and so did Dad.

All the gazed from the three made my skin crawl. Without say anything I quickly ran out of the room and into my bedroom.

My room was silent and  empty, something that was welcomed and hated at the same time. I couldn’t help but wish that Kiya would reappear and comfort me.

“If she wasn’t dead none of this would be happening.” I said to the emptiness.

I clutched at my chest feeling my heart beat slower and my vision flood with tears.

I was getting so sick of my life. Things aren’t the way they were supposed to be.

One time Kiya and I was talking about our weddings. We promised to be each other’s maid of honor. We had colors of our wedding and what foods we would eat. Being the children we were then we never knew the future would happen.

My knees gave under me and I melted into a puddle of emotions. My breath quickened and then suddenly I couldn’t breath. Thrashing my fists into the air, memories started to drown me. It was as I was being pulled by an undertow.

Life is not a joke. Mom once said.

Kiya and I laughed in response. I was 11 at the time and Kiya was 8. When at Dad’s uncle’s funeral. Kiya and I had been running threw out the funeral home. One of Dad’s cousins told Mom and she found us and punished us.

“When people die other people are hurt.” She said holding on to us. Kiya and I wanted to laugh again, but we didn’t. Mom’s gaze was grave and her grip was tight on our arms.  

“Right now your Dad is very upset about his uncle’s death and its rude for you to be playing around and joking like this. Wait until we get home.” She finally let us go.

Angrily, Kiya and I sat on the couch and mumbled under our breaths about how we wished we didn’t have to listen to Mom. Kiya was the one who said, “We should run away.”

“Run away?” I said. “Where would we go?”

“I don’t know, but Mom wouldn’t be around to get angry at us where ever we went!”

I thought about it for a minute. “That sounds good.”

We never did, of course, but still the idea sticks.

“I should run away.” I mumbled as soon as the panic attack let up.

Now wouldn’t be a good time to do that though. Before I run away I should get in more trouble so that I’m not missed, but finally I can be free.

I need to get things ready and leave on a night that everyone’s asleep.

I heard a knock on my door.

“Don’t come in!” I yelled.

“We need to talk.” Dad said trying to open the door.

Now is a good time to set my plan in motion.

“I said go away!”

Dad had the door crack and his hand was threw the opening. I ran until I rammed into the door.

Dad’s hand made a audible pinch, he screamed and I stepped back.

“Wilma! My hand!”

I stayed frozen with my hands on the door.

“Forget about going to the picnic at your Mother’s work place.”

I took a fist and hit the door out of anger.

“Your not coming out in a very, very long time.”

“Shut up!” I screamed letting all the anger that I’ve harbored come pouring out.

“You know your not the only having a hard time. Kiya’s death is effecting us all!”

I sighed and went to bed. I tried not to listen as he opened my door and ranted on and on.

As a way to cope I pinched the skin of my hand and nodded numbly to very thing he had to say. His anger was paramount in the conversation.

“Will you just don’t understand what troubles me and your mom is facing. Dr. Davis wants your mom on pills. I was talked into taking anti- anxiety medication. I don’t really plan on taking them, but I’ll tell your mother other wise. They’re in the trash now.” He sighed. “Just make things easy on us please, and keep busy because you’ll be in here for a very long time.” He finally said.

After he closed the door I screamed, “I hate you!” Until my throat went numb.

In a way I was realized that I could be alone. Secretly I was dreading being around people for the fourth.

I stayed on one spot for what seemed to be forever. I had tried to sleep but shame welled up into my throat like bail. When I heard Wade’s voice and then Mom and Dad’s talking and fading out as in they were getting in a car I walked out of my room.

The kitchen was dark, but I liked it. In the trash can was the meds. I took the bottle and a glass of tea upstairs with me.

“Take once a day with a glass of water.” I read out loud and as the bottle said I took one of the pills and I was feeling good in no time.

I had the feeling as if I had no troubles and I was on clouds. That night I had one of the best time sleeping.