whispers

i wrote this for a friend..lol..for her school project..lol..tell me what you think..

ashes of the burnt teddy bear
it all remains there
but the love once shared
was broken and paired

we held hands in the moonlight
now i cry my way to sleep at night
we used to cuddle on the sand
now i see empty spaces in my hand

i wish i hadn't closed that door
'coz pain is crushing me to the core
i watch my life pass me by
and all i could do is cry

Author's Note

sorry..lol..poor rhyming...lol

Reviews

[Dream Weaver]

So sad and touching Bunso,
a very good write.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the pulse of pain and loss throughout rendered in deeply moving composition~the image of the burnt teddy bear imprints in the mind~

[Brad]

we held hands in the moonlight
now i cry my way to sleep at night
we used to cuddle on the sand
now i see empty spaces in my hand

my favorite part of this, this piece aches to be...so relatable

[Dinesh Sairam]

I'll kind of give an edited version of your poem here. Not many like their poems edited by a third person; But I'll just do what I wish =)

Ashes of the burnt teddy bear
it all remains there
but the love once shared
was broken and paired

we held hands in the moonlight
now i cry my way to sleep at night
we used to cuddle on the sand
now i see empty spaces in my hand

i wish i HADN'T closed that door
pain is crushing me to the core
i watch my life pass me by
and all i could do is cry

Only minor touches, and one grammatical correction =) A nice poem I'd say. Keep writing.