whispers

i wrote this for a friend..lol..for her school project..lol..tell me what you think..

ashes of the burnt teddy bear
it all remains there
but the love once shared
was broken and paired

we held hands in the moonlight
now i cry my way to sleep at night
we used to cuddle on the sand
now i see empty spaces in my hand

i wish i hadn't closed that door
'coz pain is crushing me to the core
i watch my life pass me by
and all i could do is cry

Author's Note

sorry..lol..poor rhyming...lol

Reviews

[Frank F. Atanacio]

the first verse-- creative then it continues the right flow--good work :)

[paul]

beautiful

[Sonali]

Its not bad rhyming...its the AABB scheme..even I have used the same scheme in my poems.Nice little sad poem,the first line is a scary imagery.:)

[J]

~i love it~
~those first lines and last lines are excellent-
~this is such a captivating poem...;-)

~jamesmiles~

[RJ620Win]

ok rana heich, daghan na ta,,, hehehehe

[Sports Girl]

Sad but very good. Nice job

[Randolf Ramos]

poor teddy! I wonder what will Mr bean do with it after it was burnt! hehehehe.
Probably you associate the teddy with your tender years as it is finally over. Young one, be mindful of every decision that you have that it affect every aspect of life in the future. We ahve to think of things a thousand times before burning our skin with love!

[Cassiopia Summers]

I like it, the rhyming's not so bad either, but I do have one error I see.
The line,-
"was broken and paired"
I think paired should be "repaired"

Other than that, very good write. (:

[SimplyDisastrous]

Touching, heartbreaking, write (: