That Night

nah..just wanna write something..lol..

may 28,2008
by the lake

smiled bitterly.
stared achingly.

you pulled me close
and whispered love.

you wiped my tears
then kissed me soft.

talked about our summer
and what's there to live.

i didn't want it to end.
why did it have to end?

tomorrow you'll be leavin' town
and life goes on.

but my life ended
when you last kissed me goodnight.

Author's Note

wrote it randomly..lol

Reviews

[Scott Christian]

A very somber, yet sweet poem. There's a touch of the bittersweet in it. Well written.

[Levin]

Great poem. It creates the feeling of being alone for the first time, and that's painful but memorable.

[Gracie-San]

Oh, wow, I totally understand how this feels. I felt the sorrow in it, even though it was quite simple and to the point. Great job. :)

[Dream Weaver]

Good job Bunso, I felt the ache
of parting....sweet...

[Cassiopia Summers]

It's cute. (= I like it.

[Leanne Conway]

I love this. It's sweet but a bit sad.

[Dinesh Sairam]

"smiled bitterly.
stared achingly."

- Take it from me if you'd like, never have 'I' as a hidden noun. 'I' indeed adds to the effect of the poem; And you wouldn't want to ignore something that adds to your poem.

"i didn't want it to end.
why did it have to end?

tomorrow you'll be leavin' town
and life goes on."

These two verses are glitches in the poem, but as I can see, they cannot be removed either! Too bad.

All the other verses were perfect like a gem :)

I loved the last stanza the best, could feel a pain surge through me for a second.

Though you wrote it 'randomly' (What do you mean? You can not write a 'random' poem :D), it's come out beautifully.

Oh, but use proper capitalization :)

Kudos.

Keep writing.