She'll be hard to find

We really don't care about your past

Those days are gone and only the memories now last

Nor do we care what others may think or say

We will decide things in our own way

Knowing that your face we've seen before

Who'd have thought one knock would bring you to the door

Making us forget what we came there to do

The mind frozen as I looked at you

Don't even start thinking that we are shy

Yet to speak we continue to try

Now as the words slowly are heard

We smile knowing we sound like some kind of Nerd

Then shake hands and your are soft a smooth

Now our body is frozen not a chance we can move

This is something that hard to understand

Our palm sweat as we pull back our hand

Now we try to turn and just walk on away

Still unable to move and there's nothing we can say

By the time Our mind we finally get back

Looking into eyes a smile is starting to crack

So as you read if you remember this day

We haven't given up and we are never to far away

One day together all of our strength we will get

Try again and see if into life some where we can fit

Friendship will be good enough for us

We are looking for honesty, love and someone to trust

No doubt in our minds that you fit the bill

So we pray to God for the strength and the will

Knowing that  he made you with two of us on his mind

Because someone that takes my breath away is hard to find!

For now we wait going a path that will some collide

And after we'll always walk side by side!



An Uncle Charlie Original

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

I like this. I like the structure and the rhyme scheme. There are a few lines that come over a little strained, but on the whole, it's a pretty nice use of rhyme to enhance feel. It's a nice capture of a moment and a good sense of emotional rawness. I would suggest coming back and doing an edit after a month or so because i have the feeling you could a) improve this poem on a second edit and b) expand this poem, it has a great structure with lots of room to build on, and I think there's just a little more under the surface here which needs to come out and be expressed in order for this poem to achieve it's full potential. The use of the plural rather than "I" is interesting and subconsciously suggests your confusion and thus enhances the overwhelming feelings being portrayed. I would lose the exclamation marks in the last three lines as they are unnecessary and detract from the weight of the statements, removing the exclamation will give the poem a stronger ending, but that's just me :-)