Wreck

Wrote this when I was in my lowest low.

These are very moronic mistakes that aren't mistakes anymore.

 I call them deliberate attempts to wreck one-self.

 When self-control and abstinence are strangers not welcomed at all,

 But you welcome the mere path of destruction. 

You know the consistent consequences of these 'mistakes' you make,

 But, you just want to see yourself endure agony and the hurt again. 

You want the early thrill, 

Those five minutes of pleasure, 

The cheap love and affection. 

Taking your heart for granted, 

Misusing your beauty and grandeur, 

All that jazz... All that f*****g jazz just to make them fall in love with you? 

Well, that won't happen. 

You're always the joke. 

The funny girl. 

The mistress

 The second best.

 Settle for less?

 I don't know if I could ever go for the longer term. 

The serious matrimony. 

Because no one would ever look at me.... The way they look at normal ones.