Just Fine

Yeah I got problems, I got a lot of em.
Probably got more than that, just ain't thought of em.
I'm emotional, a little unstable
Got more than baggage to bring to the table.
If you're a good guy looking for a bad time
Get in line, I'm one of a kind.
Or am I?
Is it really that rare to know your damaged and still not care?
Some things are beyond repair, but just fine, I swear.

Reviews

[Perdition]

Lotta "gots"...works well in the flow. So a woman I take it..hahaha. This is the type of poem you read and see the smirk on the poet's page!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We all have problems. although they may be different none are less important for they effect us humans.

[keith]

a beat worthy of notice!
i read this piece many times
each time i found a different focus, a different sharp end of your stick that prods the norms
good on you
for what it's worth ... this is excellent!

never mind the blowhard naysayers

[JayG]

• Yeah I got problems, I got a lot of em.

Who doesn't? In the words of Tevye the dairyman to Nahum the begger: "Because you had a bad week, why should I suffer?"

My point? You're talking TO the reader about YOUR problems. But does the reader know the smallest thing about you? No. Do they have any idea of the kind of troubles you mean? No again. So at this point, they have no reason to either care or want to hear your list of litanies.

Bait your hook before you toss it in the water. Make the reader care, not just know.

You may argue that by the end, the reader will be on-board, but readers are NOT conscripts. They're only potential volunteers. But even then, you need to give them reason to want to read more.

One line without context and the reader s gone. And your first line is someone unknown whimpering about things not introduced, as the introduction to a meaningless, to the reader, soliloquy.

Here's the thing: In putting that lifetime of experience into words, you're making a flawed assumption: that you know how to do that meaningfully. But do any of us learn the skills of the poet as part of our schoolday training? No. All the reports and essays they assigned were nonfiction writing, which does exactly what you do here: talk TO the reader. An that makes the work every bit as exciting as any other essay or report.

Poetry, with its goal of providing an emotional experience, instead of an informational one, uses a very different approach, one not even mentioned in school. The piece works for you because you already have the emotion, and you "plug it in" as needed. The reader? No reference points, and no access to your intent.

The fix? Dig into the "tricks of the trade." Train your talent and give it something to work with. Check a book or three on poetic technique. We don't discover it on our own through a desire to be poetic. It's a learned skill. So download a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. It's free to download here:
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

It's fascinating, One of the first things you'll learn is that there are more vowels than you think.

“Talent? Were talent enough, there’d be no need of rehearsal...or editing...or Photoshop. And if desire were the key, we’d all be famous. Sweat, though. That’s the magic elixir.”
~ Me