Where Ever That Be

Lift her up above the ashes     Raise her spirits beyond death
Shine down on her mood shadow    Give desire back to her breath
Elevate her interests    Just high enough to see
 perspective and circumstance can agree to disagree
Lift her up into the atmosphere    The space that holds the happy
Take her where there is will to live     Where ever that be

Reviews

[ChemicalMadness]

KJ,
Let me start with the technical: I wasn't a fan of the format...I found it somewhat distracting and question the overall purpose. Go nuts with spacing, capitalization, punctuation, breaks, etc. but always, always, have good reason for everything you do...that reason should also be (at least somewhat) readily apparent to your audience.

Content: I DO think this piece would work better formatted differently because you DO have some good content to work with. The first line is great. The line works well. I did not care for "the space that holds the happy"...

I think you'd do yourself a tremendous service by rethinking this piece a bit. Why be so nebulous? Give us more of this her and texture to her suffering. Connect us with some real feelings so we, too, as readers can feel. Empathy is your friend, as is depth.

I'd encourage you to keep going here, my friend.
All the best,
CM

[ChemicalMadness]

My second paragraph, 3rd sentence should read "the last line works well".

[Leigh]

Like the way its a bit mixed up and almost can be read two ways (vertically and horizontally), I like the optimistic feel and the ending, very good, very different.

[jinxxnij]

Its like you know me and write about my unshared thoughts. I love this.

[Elle Thompson]

The structure of this is interesting, I've never seen anything like it.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

its the rafters of her mind
made of moon-beams of a different kind
a place where her thoughts unwind

and the present is left faaaaaaaaaaar behind

[John F Carver]

It seems to be joy to me, but maybe that is just the place holder for it. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's joy to me, even in defeat it is a joy to have been able to try sort of thing. But whatever it is I am sure by your poetry you have always had it and will again in the end. I love your poetry. Keep sending requests.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I really like the line "take her where there is will to live". Very nice write. I found it interesting, and different. I also like this line "give desire back to her breath" so beautiful.

[MoriartyMesa]

Nothin fancy, just true. Just my thoughts

[Pure Hope]

Very powerful in its imagery, and in its emotional essence. Definitely a great touch with the metaphor. Love it!

[Writer *78*]

i see a greek mythology type of work here. almost as if your talking about Gia, goddess of earth, i agree with Madness you could give more depth on the character if you so choose to exspand on this.

[Jack...]

I found this to be a bit jumbled, the foramt is ok, I just think in a piece like this the sylable count needs to be a bit closer.

The first two lines are great, then the sylable count breaks down. Still the idea dn the thoughts coveyed are very nice.