Blow Me

Listen
You don't have to hear me out
but try and hear this
It's the sound of my heart crumbling
The bits and pieces falling to the ground
You used to have my heart
Now you have dust
Blow me
Send me with the wind that used to carry your I love you's
Spread my remnants through the air
So that I might become anothers breath
Maybe I will fill their lungs with the particles of what you've broken
Make them whole
Maybe they won't be so quick to exhale
I just want to be someone's life

Reviews

[Astro]

The thoughts here are infectious like something caught on the wind. The emotional creativity of the voice in this poem is very cool. I think you could expand further with this theme as well. In this line, "So that I might become anothers breath" I kind of thought it could have been written, a bit differently where you would say something about being "inhaled by another" to counter your later statement about being held in and not so quickly exhaled. Just a suggestion.

[quinfinn]

admittedly, i thought at first that this was going to have a rude message eluding to some sexually charged insult....there is a very slight innuendo there, but the message is very clear and poignant...maybe someone else will take the broken pieces of me and fix them ...accepting me for who i am and loving that person...this is beautiful, Keely.

[Jack...]

So very sad, to find that this love, you felt you had is reduced to nothing but dust. Very nicely done.

[Rita L. Sev]

I like the line: "send me with the wind that used to carry your I love yous..." That seems to be the very essence of your poem, complete with message and metaphor. Nice work!

[Pete Langley]

This is nice, Keely. It`s complete, original thought. There are a few small changes I would make if it was mine: ..Line 6 "...used to have it, my heart". Line 12 2....particles that you`ve broken". The last line I find superfluous. ".....quick to exhale." should end a very good poem. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow, so sad and beautiful. love every words expressed here. thanks for sharing.