Blow Me

Listen
You don't have to hear me out
but try and hear this
It's the sound of my heart crumbling
The bits and pieces falling to the ground
You used to have my heart
Now you have dust
Blow me
Send me with the wind that used to carry your I love you's
Spread my remnants through the air
So that I might become anothers breath
Maybe I will fill their lungs with the particles of what you've broken
Make them whole
Maybe they won't be so quick to exhale
I just want to be someone's life

Reviews

[Astro]

The thoughts here are infectious like something caught on the wind. The emotional creativity of the voice in this poem is very cool. I think you could expand further with this theme as well. In this line, "So that I might become anothers breath" I kind of thought it could have been written, a bit differently where you would say something about being "inhaled by another" to counter your later statement about being held in and not so quickly exhaled. Just a suggestion.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Oh I love this, the emotion!

"but try and hear this
It's the sound of my heart"

"Send me with the wind that used to carry your I love you's
Spread my remnants through the air
So that I might become anothers breath
Maybe I will fill their lungs with the particles of what you've broken"

I love those parts, and the last two lines too.

[A. H. Pinley]

Maybe (I'll) fill their lungs with the particles of what you've broken (of what we once had)
Make them whole (complete)
Maybe they won't be so quick to exhale (soak in it for awhile)
I just want to be someone's life (cherished)

[T. Val]

The title is obviously very decieving. 'Spread my remnants through the air so that I might become anothers breath' is my favorite part. Great work, I enjoyed this.

[Writer *78*]

Very deep emotional piece your writing seems to get better with every work of yours that I read. Well done.

[Hester Vane]

So sweet and sincere! Beautifully sturctured and I love the selflessness your present for wanting to meet someone! Well done!

[John F Carver]

I disagree about the last line, it needed reiteration to add the KO punch. Quite frankly I am amazed but glad you chose life when I might have expected wife from someone else.

[ChemicalMadness]

Fierce. Honest. True. Raw.

Great work!

[MoriartyMesa]

I liked this, but not to be a grammar jerk, cause Christ knows my own work needs it. But you might want to go over this again. I get the over all emotion, but it needs breaks.

[Leigh]

Nice thoughts, well expressed, clear and flowing

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another really nice flowing poem full of sharp emotion Keely.