Blow Me

Listen
You don't have to hear me out
but try and hear this
It's the sound of my heart crumbling
The bits and pieces falling to the ground
You used to have my heart
Now you have dust
Blow me
Send me with the wind that used to carry your I love you's
Spread my remnants through the air
So that I might become anothers breath
Maybe I will fill their lungs with the particles of what you've broken
Make them whole
Maybe they won't be so quick to exhale
I just want to be someone's life

Reviews

[Astro]

The thoughts here are infectious like something caught on the wind. The emotional creativity of the voice in this poem is very cool. I think you could expand further with this theme as well. In this line, "So that I might become anothers breath" I kind of thought it could have been written, a bit differently where you would say something about being "inhaled by another" to counter your later statement about being held in and not so quickly exhaled. Just a suggestion.

[VennelaMargame]

The title got me to read it, I admit.

Call me crazy, but it reminds me a little bit of Johnny Cash's verse at the end of the song "Highwayman." "Or I may simply be a single drop of rain, but I'll be back again and again."

It's a nice way of saying set me free, but I will say, and I apologize if I'm coming off as naggy about this, but be careful of phrases like "heart crumbling" or "used to carry your I love you's." The best thing about poetry is experimenting with new turns of phrase, so be careful of using ones that seem too familiar or that have shown up a lot in other writing. Always make it your own. Anyway, sermon over.

Happy writing.

[TL Boehm]

"Maybe they won't be so quick to exhale." how true - it amazes me how casual people can be with another person's heart.
A real, raw poem.

[jinxxnij]

OMG! Love the misleading title. Fantastic read!

[Ency Bearis]

wonderful vivid write

[gombeggar]

good expression here... carry your I love you's ...make it 'I love you's with 2 accents 2 show

[Simon Welsh]

The title.. gave me the wrong idea about what this would be written about aha. But I like the poem all the same :)

Don't live for anyone else. Live your yourself.

[Elle Thompson]

I would place a blank line in between lines 7 and 8 and lines 8 and 9, to emphasize "Blow me". The title is misleading, I don't know why you went with that, I would try to come up with something else. However in the line it is so terse and impactful that I wouldn't change it there.

[Renée]

and you will be.... love the visuals !

[redflutterby]

Wonderful imagery and it flows smoothly!! Original concept as well... great poem!!