Dusty Feathers

I took a flight within myself tonight; a glide of introspection
Ask a broken bird "why the cage?'
Will he reply, "For my protection"?

I put myself inside a lie
to save me from myself

Not one dream have I gone after; not one star have I claimed

Covered in doubt, I never open my arms; never welcome an efforts wings

Like broken bones I crumble; expected to carry my weight
Nothing is heavier than the fear of falling; catching yourself too late

Nothing good will ever come of me
if I leave a dusty feather to fly
Even those that fall so gracefully
reach the ground before the sky

I have fallen.

Author's Note

Please take a moment to comment, reviews are always helpful. Especially when I'm experimenting with different styles. I thank you in advance, it truly means so much.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

depths of despair. succinctly placed into lovely verse. ironic, isn't it? i always love this type of write. the duality of humanity is my favorite oxy moron.....we are singular minded and doomed to fail unless we are singular minded and determined to win. excellent poem!

[kublakhan27]

Some very unique and poetic observations you've made...the first five lines are full of philosophy and introspection...it's a different style but you've certainly mastered it here...well done Keely :)

[A. H. Pinley]

Embrace failure. Don't be afraid to dream and go after those dreams. Many will discourage, but they're jealous of your progress. Keep up the great work!

[LovelyLuckless]

I really enjoyed the touch of imagery and the sense of longing the poem seemed to have.

Even if you've locked everything away, do you not still desire?
Even if all you put forward is a lie, do you not still know the truth?

I love this piece because it tapped into something raw and real, without wasting a single word. I think it pulled together perfectly, because the last line explained that you've fallen into the trap you yourself made by lying to yourself. But even if you've fallen, it remains that where you'll go once you know that, is still to be seen.

[Veronica Chandler]

This is a lovely piece; mournful and sad with such a moving spirit, and the line which seemed to touch me most are,
"I put myself inside a lie
to save me from myself"
and,
Ask a broken bird "why the cage?'
Will he reply, "For my protection"?
I enjoyed equating the lie and the cage for the truth rings clearly, and the dichotomy of a cage being for protection is brilliant. Enjoyed the write emensely.

[Pete Langley]

This is a desperate poem - and is affecting in communicating that emotion, Keely. Your rhyme is also effective where you use it. All in all, this is probably the best of yours I`ve read, though I still think you have to work on the cohesion - linking up the various facets. P.

[MoriartyMesa]

Here is what comes across my ape like skull, you got talent and a gift for it. Now if there was a muse whom inspired this piece, I would lead them on until you land what you want. Your have a gift, so do not spare the honesty feeling so many try to use like a magic marker.




Your good, but you must know it first.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

The depth and clarity of this write is palpable. There is something beautiful and haunting in the words, because they seem to come from the realm of the real--you know how sometimes you read work that is technically perfect, but lacking feeling? Well, this is not one of those pieces.

A couple little tiny areas of difficulty for me...the second stanza tripped me up--the two repetitions of "myself" as well as the "me" were a little hard to read. Other than that, nicely done. I like your freedom.

[Phoenix]

nicely done my friend