Happiness

Troubles vanish

into moments of hope,

tranquility embraces you

you feel good and alive

Your insides smile

  your heart feels a though it beats for the sun

praising the warmth

that's given you all the strength to overcome

Everything becomes beautiful

 all things have meaning

clarity embodies you
fills you with good mood

Peace of mind

a piece of you at ease

Happiness is the place

 every beating heart needs

You see the light

because you recognize black

what could be better

is still not the worst

understand

accept life on its terms

be positive

its in the negative that sorrow breeds

Happiness is the food

which life truly feeds

Allow your essence to feast

until full and overcome with okay

Swallow the feeling

because you know it's your own,

capture that moment

when Happiness is known

Reviews

[Marshal Gebbie]

Loved it KEELS.
Here's one for you
M

To Laugh in Falling Rain
Gorgons in the grasses by my window
Phantoms in the corridors of mind,
Elves and Angels flit amongst the fairies
But Godhead is the hardest thing to find.

Experiments with rationale confound me
Argument, well meaning, leaves me cold,
I've thrashed it out with he who has seen the Holy See
But futility has left me feeling old.

Millions feel the joy of their religion
Base their lives on regimental right,
Alone I meet the day and feel no need to pray,
And stride with independence to the night.

I read your words of beauty for your Maker
I felt the passion living on the page,
I cried for your belief and in so doing, felt relief
For the singer not the song, for me, engaged.

So there, my beauty, lies our living quandary
For you and I the chemistry's the same.
For you with God in hand inhabit my agnostic land
And simultaneously, we exult in falling rain.

Marshalg
To Christine and Anselm, with happiness in having found new friends.
The Pukehana Paradise
Auckland
12 March 2013

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is a powerful write. I love the emotions evoked, because I can completely relate to them. You've done a great job at showing us your own emotion and pulling it out of the reader at the same time.

A few little technical issues: Some grammar mistakes and spelling errors, but they are small. The main thing I would suggest is to take care with your word choice. For instance, in the lines:

tranquility embraces you
you feel good and alive
Your insides smile
your heart feels a though it beats for the sun

You have used the words "you" and "your" four times...you could do without the "you" in the first line---just "Tranquility embraces" would be good enough, and then you could lose the "your" in the third line and leave it as "insides smiling". Just a little technical and stylistic thing that may help you in the editing process.

Overall, this has fantastic potential...you are a strong writer.

[Rita L. Sev]

I like the uplifting theme. It's so good to think about the positive. This line: "Allow your essence to feast until full and overcome with okay..." Love it! :)

[Elle Thompson]

This has some moments of brilliance "swallow the feeling" "your insides smile" etc.
however I feel like you need to trim the fat (and address some mechanical issues, feel free to get back to me if you need help spotting them) it's very stream of consciousness feeling
just cut out what's unnecessary, what isn't getting your point across, the stuff that could have come out of the mouth of any other writer. can't say I understand the line breaks, though, but poetry is not my strong suit and line breaks baffle me so I can't give especially good advice about them.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another lovely uplifting, flowing verse Keely.

[Souladareatease]

A smiling write You have weaved, this bit of sunshine was warm to see today--Beautiful work!!!

[quinfinn]

well, if happiness is the food, i have been queuing up at the wrong buffet! i love the way you play with words, dear Keely. this is pretty damned special writing!

[John F Carver]

Many people say that when they are depressed their view of the world is the true view. I say what makes it more real to them? If happiness is where you live why make depression your abode? I'm a little down right now and I can't wait to go home to the that place where I am happy. Thanks for what to me is a card from home. What's the funky placement of the line Allow your essence to feast all about? The only thing I could think of is that the excellent line you thought we might miss. Just wondering.

[Pete Langley]

I love your theme, Keely Jane, but I have to encourage you to avoid cliché....I`ll try to explain...the piece as it is sounds like a self-help manual, or a pep-talk given at a glee club. You could rewrite this in the first person and produce real instead of manufactured euphoria by saying how you feel inside. I don`t mean to sound mean, I want you to produce the best you can, but you have to think more carefully about what you are trying to achieve with a piece. P