Wife Beating

I am kicking, screaming, pounding within your chest

My screams echo into whispers as I gasp for one more breath

Sinking, falling, drowning within my own wet eyes

Your reflection fading, I am awaiting my demise

I am a beating voice, my hands cannot be heard

I am grabbing, pulling, holding onto your heart with every word

I cannot let you go, though beating, without you I bleed

You are my heart, I am your heart, its each other we need

My love, my life

Your heart, your wife

Author's Note

* No, I am not being beaten by my husband. This is not a poem about domestic violence. Wife is used in metaphor as a heart. Heart beating = Wife beating

Reviews

[KurKota]

Powerful statement, effectively written !.....That is always a tragic, and to me as a male, confounding at best. I see guys like that as very insecure and pathetic from my perspective. However, in case I am misreading this piece, I best not say more about my feelings of same. But very effective and good writing ! An interesting link you have made within this work.

[TL Boehm]

the heart can be a partner, a master, a slave....so many things. and the way we treat it is often appalling. Great metaphor here.

[Ency Bearis]

Impressive poem and with great message it implied.

[Perkele.7885]

I think at times, us fellows do not always listen to our hearts as perhaps that we should. We do not want to be seen as the caring, sensitive beings that inhabit our anatomy on select, given occasions! We do not want to be seen as anything other than alpha males. Me, on the other, am perfectly fine with embracing a softer personna when it will impact the greater good of a cherished relationship. After all, why should I not be as sensitive and giving as my wife?

[Astro]

Great idea about a beating voice with hands that cannot be heard but felt. I like that a lot. Also, the way you make fading sounds and reflections seem so solid. Good write.

[Elle Thompson]

The tone of this hits the right note, but I'm afraid I'm really uncertain about your exact message, apart from that. It reads like a jumble of verbs and nouns.

[A. H. Pinley]

A wife, to be loved and cherished.

[Veronica Chandler]

A compelling write KeelyJane; there are so many ways to take a beating and they don't always involve the hands, but always involve control and can include only words. You have written a very effective and emotional piece.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I loved the title! thought I was back in Glasgow on a Friday night lol
Loved the flow and the first third was silk but I would revise the middle bit a little as you use beating or derivatives overly so.

I am a fading voice, my hands cannot be heard
I am grabbing, pulling, holding your heart with every word
Altough beaten, I cannot let you go, for alone I bleed
You are my heart, I am your heart, we're one another's need

[KeelyJane]

I used "beating" because I am referring to her as being his heart that is beating. This actually isn't a poem about abuse. Its about being someones whole world, in a sense; not being able to live without someone.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Same difference if you repeat the smart lines they loose impact.

[Phoenix]

all to true with these words and never a wife to say you know what I can't do this no more and get out.

[quinfinn]

i am hoping this was meant as purely a metaphorical exercise. a man who beats on a woman is the lowest form of primate on the planet. not only should he be caged like a gorilla, but also forced to wear silky, frilly little feminine underthings and nothing else to show the world what a pathetic little pantywaist he truly is.... worst type of coward there is. can you tell i feel strongly about this subject? nice write, Keely.

[KeelyJane]

I would have to agree with you on domestic abusers, male or female. However, This actually isn't a poem about abuse. Its about being someones whole world, in a sense; not being able to live without someone.

[quinfinn]

like i said...metaphor....i get twisted when i think about men who abuse women