Who Wins

There seems to me to always be that little strand of hope

at the bottom of my heart, resting

Behind my fed up eyes are the tears I still cry

and  this anger that's been manifesting

For as much as I want there is just as much as I need

but even that never stopped me

I can't hold on yet I can't let go

so you'll just have to drop me

The weight of the blame is so much more than the shame

and we carry this load taking turns

No matter who ignites the flame, the heats always the same

and it burns

I can't win for losing, I'm no good at choosing

the things that are best and it shows

If I had my way, we would all be okay

but lets face it, that's not how this goes

I love you now like I loved you then

only this time I'm loving me more

If you can compete with that you know where I'm at

Please feel free to even the score

Reviews

[Dana Alsamsam]

"I can't hold on yet I can't let go
so you'll just have to drop me"

that line is so poignant. the emotion there is most definitely felt. i really like how this piece evolves from a severe pain to the realization that you are the only person who can save yourself. loving yourself is the first step and you will only accept this person back if they learn to love you that much or more. great write!

[Baby Ricochet]

Some good rhymes. The meter is all over the place though. With some work it could be stellar

[Mother Maggie]

Love and relationships can be quite complex and quite scary especially if trust and understanding starts to wane. You get tired and weary and it becomes a matter of endurance--who loves who more?...who will have the greater staying power?

Remember the simpleness of that first night, that first cottage or apartment when everything was new and you grew like twinned sapplings with one goal, one love, one life starting the amazing adventure that was and still can be the two of you...

Namaste

[Elle Thompson]

I really like the line structure in this, I think it has great potential, but it doesn't quite sparkle as much as it could. If I were you I would do another draft, if I was still interested in working on it. The ending is great

[Veronica Chandler]

Such a powerful piece KeelyJane. The lines...
"I love you now like I loved you then
only this time I'm loving me more."
Stirring and emotional write.
I am happy to have received the read request.

[A. H. Pinley]

Behind my fed up eyes are the tears I still cry
and this anger that's been manifesting (or is it fear)
The weight of blame is so much more than the shame
taking turns carrying the load?
Need to love self first before you can love others. Good piece!

[Nicky Sarti]

This really spoke out to me Keely, I really connected with the piece.
It made me smile yet feel sad too.
Very me. Thank you for sharing x

[B-poet]

A tug of war over a void for underlying love in contrast to a lack of love for oneself is a hard battle from the start that's in disguise as a no win situation. There's a way to win this war, it's easy yet wanting to hold on too a broken relationship makes it hard unless you truly know what the underlying truth within your heart is. Then you can win the battle by all means. Great poem. Loved your take on this subject. :)

[Jack...]

Another nice write. You should take that time for yourself, you deserve it and if another wants to follow along and share in the joy that is you, then all the better.

[Melissa Sofia]

Beautiful poem of love for others and yourself

[Teddy Montoya]

wow that is very powerful I love it.