Dark and Empty

Even when I appear happy

                    when there is a smile on my face

There is a sadness below the surface

                    a dark and empty space

The echos of my memory

                    bounce you off the walls

Triggering my addiction

                    sending my emotions through withdrawals

I have come a long way

                    yet I am still in the same place

A thousand miles to nowhere

                     at a slow and steady pace

Dark and empty on the inside

                    over you on the out

Dark and empty and full of s**t

                     still in love without a doubt

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

Break-ups are tragic. There is always a little piece of you that still loves the one you've broken up with, even if the reason behind it is valid. I can so relate to this and I think that's what makes this piece great. Your rhyme and meter works well except for the line "over you on the out" for some reason that line caused me to trip over it. I think it is the wording. A very successful poem!

[Rita L. Sev]

Good rhythm, in an emotional piece. Well done.

[Writer *78*]

this shows that true love goes above all who defy it i applaud you keely jane seems as if your an old soul like myself well done

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Some dark and reflective pieces from you Keely. Good emotion and flow. The meter may have become a little out of kilter in the last four lines? I also loved the rhyming of withdrawals and walls

[Sami Khalil]

"I have come a long way

yet I am still in the same place

A thousand miles to nowhere

at a slow and steady pace"
I like those lines the most but all of it...:)

[Mark]

Rare these days to find a young woman who is so enamored of the old values of rhyme and meter, and who handles them so well.
Rhyming "withdrawals" with "walls" is quite clever--I don't know that I'd have come up with that one!
I would recommend avoiding vulgarity in your poetry. Surely there is another noun or adjective that better says how low and dirty how discarded and valueless you feel?
Keep up the good work.