Take Me To The River

Take me to the river, where the rolling waters play

   To the banks of liquid laughter, where sorrows wash away

Take me to the river, to the mountains tears in motion

   Where I can frolic in the shallow, wade my troubles to the ocean

Take me to the river, where stream becomes its rage within

   The rapids of letting go, where new can begin

Reviews

[VennelaMargame]

The musicality of this poem is very nice. This is what I was referring to with my suggestion of regular iambic hexameter (or Alexandrine meter) in my review your poem about the flower in the cobblestones.

Insofar as that, it sounds rather like a folk tune, or spiritual, since the meter sounds close to the classic ballad form when read aloud. Again, however, don't be afraid to branch out and try new tropes. Wading and cleansing oneself in a river is a classic theme, but one that's been diluted by it's frequent and familiar use throughout the ages. The best part of poetry is coming up with something new to do with language, that hasn't been seen before. Make your reader go "wow!" and not just nod as he recognizes the familiar.

I hope I don't sound too critical in saying this. I like to get into how a poem is constructed when I review, and one of the most important things is freshness of trope and theme and language. Best wishes.

[Denham Cole]

great review

[A. H. Pinley]

Rinse me of all my filth from many years of rummaging among the tattered and destroyed memories of childhood. Can't I just find a way to keep the peace? A way that doesn't involve pain from the cracking of the whip? Oh how I long for the river to rinse my filth away to never return to the place of my youth. I like it, a stranger in everyones eyes. Good piece! Sorry for writing nonsense, this is what I heard after finished reading your work. Keep up the solid work.

[p.kuhl]

I really love the visual appeal to this poem; the form is unique and consistent. I think you could really expand this piece, maybe take each one of these lines individually and make them into stanzas, that way the refrain of "take me to the river" becomes suddenly more powerful, which would also strengthen the words in between them. Great thoughts!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

This is a classic work, I can not find a usual rage factor most of your works, sound interesting shifting in this universe. I am fan of classic work and I love this. Great write!

[Eileenws]

This is very musical. You did a nice job with the rhyme. Nicely done.

[redflutterby]

Love this.... it has a lyrical flow and I could almost hear the sound of water. Beautiful!!

[Frieda P]

This one just rolls off the mind, very melodic. At first it was going to be about drinking...sweet liquor of the mind instead. Nicely pen'd.

[The 13th Eros]

We all need such a precious life to lead us to peace.. to help wash away the dust of day from our skin.. from souls. Yes, a chance to start fresh and new. This is such a strong, vibrant desire... may it always be for you.

[Jack...]

This piece flows like a river methodically within it time carved banks, paying attention to only its motion and nothing much more. Nice.

[quinfinn]

you make water the music of life in this cleverly thought out and nicely penned verse, how fitting that the very element which almost entirely makes us is such a fitting medium here. very nice!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Once again I like the form of this piece and most of it works.
'wade my troubles to the ocean' may be better as 'wash my troubles in that/the ocean'
The last two lines feel like you ran out of ideas a little and again fitted the lines to a rhyme at the expense of the overall flow.
Take me to the river, where the stream becomes a rage within
And the rapids of letting go, means new life can indeed begin
Just initial ideas.