Made Jaded

When all you have is what you give

what happens when it's gone

And no ones there to give in return

what you’d expected all along

When everything you’ve known

becomes merely what you’ve thought

Everything that was once so real

suddenly is not

When everything turns to nothing

and all you’ve lived for dies

And all that you’ve ever believed in

turns out to be just lies

Its heartbreak like no other

 it's the slaughter of a spirit

The making of a jaded heart 

by love and why we fear it

Reviews

[Astro]

Well put, but I think that leading by example is still the more honorable way to live. It's not easy to be altruistic, but we can aspire to make a difference in the lives of others even if our only reward was the time we spent with them while they were a part of our lives. It is better to love and expect nothing than to expect love for giving something for anything given then has a price. There is no price for LOVE.

[Perkele.7885]

I really liked the way that this poem flowed from beginning to end.
I had trouble identifying with the last half of your second line {what you’d expected all along}
It has been my reality in life to NEVER EXPECT anything. NEVER EXPECT!
Everything else you said very well could happen to a person in part or in Toto!
We need to be honest with our feelings and truthful in our dealings with other people but, always be aware
to look for indicators that people are not really like what they profess to be.

[gombeggar]

Its heartbreak like no other, its the slaughter of a spirit ...semi-colon best here...nice writ in all

[trainwreck]

This had a great flow. This life is a painful one. There's no way to be sure how things will end, but there is always a way to make things better, even fractionally. Thank you for sparking my mind with this work.

[Simon Welsh]

The heart is deceitful above all things. I like.

[ChemicalMadness]

Slaughter of a spirit stands out to me here...I personally would break these lines up for better flow (reading flow, not speaking flow). Of course, as I've pointed out in other reviews, there are many different reasons for writing....sometimes we are deliberately creating art, scrutinizing word choice, meter, flow, etc. Sometimes the art just comes pouring out and is deemed perfect as is, and sometimes we just need to get our thoughts down and share them with others. All are valid forms of expression. The latter is really not meant for critique. I've felt what you've expressed here....many have. Thank you for sharing.

[John F Carver]

I like how the whole thing is just a clause, barely much more than a phrase, to me it shows how its only part of the picture like a shard not the whole vase of...?

[Veronica Chandler]

Another very enjoyable read from you KeelyJane; the piece elicits a very familiar feeling, one that has touched us all. Your piece is relateable and well written.

[Jack...]

Very cool KJ, this has a nice feel to it albeit a sad theme.

[Phoenix]

a very moving piece