Coming Back To Myself

I close my eyes and try to focus on a point of light,
Buried deep in my subconscious, in a place I've been neglecting.
Somewhere behind the anger and the pain it lays dormant,
Waiting for an old friend to come calling once more.

I breathe deeply and feel my fists opening and closing -
A distant memory pushes me on and my skin starts to prickle
As a feeling, long since lost, begins to resurface,
And the shaft of light starts to creep across the floor.

I feel my lips twitch, the first impression of a smile;
Another aspect of myself that has long been forgotten.
My hands relax as she steps out of the shadows
And moves toward me. My emotional sister returns.

With outstretched hands she beckons me to follow her.
Gladly, I resume my place by her side.
Her voice seems to arrive in my head, bypassing my ears,
And the warmth of her love is so strong, it burns.

She leads me toward the light, whispering how much she has missed this.
The moments we shared, a dim and distant memory now.
I yearn to feel her inside me, once more
And to know that a smile from her will wash away the pain.

We step, as one, into the beautiful light,
A thousand suns could not burn this brightly.
It is the generosity of her spirit that lights the way for me,
And the nostalgic bloom on my cheeks is here again.

Gently, she takes me into her arms and I begin to feel the music.
Softly at first, then echoing all around us.
We dance the dance of lost loves everywhere,
And laughter replaces the scream I have been swallowing.

The memories flood back now, moments of triumph and pride.
Something else, slowly rising from the murky mists of my psyche.
An object of desire that has been biding its time,
Waiting in the background where I have allowed it to remain, wallowing.

It joins us now, spinning around, laughing and joyous.
The three of us, like children on a summer afternoon.
Playfully teasing each other with tickles and smiles,
The warmth of their love travelling up and down my spine.

These three figures, cavorting in their dance, so brisk,
Knowing each other inside out, back to front.
I hold their hands and lose sense of our dimensions.
Where are their hands in this muddle?  Where are mine?

We begin to melt together, as the crescendo of music increases.
Tears begin to flood my eyes as the ecstasy takes me over.
My two soul mates, love and independence, are back with me now
And I am ready to face whatever life brings.

The music starts to fade, but the warmth is stronger than ever.
My breathing is deep, even after all that dancing.
They give me the strength to face each new day with fresh hope.
And, while they are with me, my heart eternally sings.


Copyright © Victoria Preston, 2010
All Rights Reserved